AN: Sorry for making you guys wait. Next update will come faster.Measure of a man's ... dog"And this will be your room," Adam said flinging open the door to a fairly large bedroom with modern decor. I suppose it was a guest room. It had mostly metallic and black tones with lighter shade of gray paint to offset the effect of darker colors. The room wreaked of masculanity, literally.
"Oof, what is that aweful smell," I scowled, glancing up at Adam pinching my nose.
Noticing my digust he said non-chalantly, "Orlando's dog kinda have a loose bladder," and to avoid contact quickly ventured towards my bags, "let me help you put these away."
"He has a what?"
I heard it all right. This keeps getting better and better doesn't it. I wasn't a dog person, I wasn't an animal person, in fact I liked being as far away from the smelly, dirty, slobbering creatures as humanly possible. "Look here Adams," I notified indignantly poking his chest to have his attention even though with the deathly glare I gave him I pretty much had it already, "this was not a part of our undestanding. I do not like being around animals. Last time I had an animal around me I had to get
hair extensions! I can only take one insolent creature at a time and Orlando as unforunate as it is, will be
it for now."
"I understand and I promise you will not be bothered by Syd at all. Orlando always takes him on the sets with him and when he is at home he hardly bothers anyone," he inhaled sharply and shrugged, "well other than peeing around once in a while. He is a very shy dog-"
"Woof." Something heavy was launched on me as I backed into the wall for balance. Next thing I know a huge chocolate brown lab is staring into my face with his paws pinning me. Panting as his tongue hung from its jaw.
"Shy like Marilyn Manroe?" I growled in a low voice pushing the beast off me. He whimpered dejectedly.
"Thats strange." I felt like reminding him that I was supposed to be the actor not him but had to stop at the astonished look Adam gave the dog, "usually he doesn't like stranger. He likes you Keira."
"Wonderful," I mocked, crossing my arms. The dog was more the size of a small horse and his constant sniffing of my
privates was starting to concern me as he circled me happily wagging his tail.
"Stop. Syd. Come here boy," Adam said between whistling to the dog finally managing to dissuade him into another room. Adam looked at me apologetically and smiled, "I noticed you do not have an agent yet."
"Never felt the need," I replied unabashed by his distraction.
"How about if I give you a package deal with Orlando? Only 2% commission and you get the first month free." I knew it was a good deal most firms and agents charged 10% or more commission and I was but only an aspiring artist.
"If I must," I sighed dramatically.
Adam smiled at my antics and held my luggage up, "so where do you want this again?"
* * *
Later that day* * *
"Mom no, I am just living in his house and married to him by law. I don't really like him," I informed as if questioning her sanity of thinking otherwise. I gave her a minute to ramble on climbing the stairs heading to Orlando's room. Although the attached lieu with my room was fancy his toilet had the most fantastic jaccuzi which my sore muscles had been making a use of pretty much everyday in his absence. It had been a long day. Proving longer by the minute.
"What do you mean all my marital problems are because I am too uptight about experimenting?" I paused.
"Mother!" I accentuated, gasping at the bit of information being provided to me about my parent's sexual prowess.
"I don't deserve to hear that," I added disgustedly bringing the phone away from earshot until I was sure the torture has ended.
"Please just trust me. You do not have to come here and cheperone me. I am a grown women," I paused to hear the retaliation, "yes not grown enough to acknowledge the sanctity of matrimony but old enough handle this myself. Look I have to go. Give Caleb and dad my love. Bye." I stepped in the toilet finally unbuckling my pants as I placed the phone mumbling about having bought myself a few months on the couch when I sensed a presence behind me.
"Hi," I jumped at the voice coming from the juccuzi, "I know there is something about me that makes girls undress but you, Ms. Knightley, really surprise me."
I was dumbfounded.
Why does this keeps happening to me? What is he doing here? He is not supposed to be here! Oh who am I kidding I am in his bathroom not the other way around.He tilted his head to a side amusedly, "ever heard of knocking?" I narrowed my eyes having had enough of that.
"Ever heard of locking?" I countered in the same curt tone, turning immediately to walk out. I think I've seen way too many dogs today between Syd and ...that. To my dismay he followed me out urgently wrapping himself in a towel.
"Look, we should sit down and talk about this," he said.
"No thank you. I do not want another person giving me a birds and bees lecture-"
"Not that! Whatever happened," he added looking slightly pensive, "with us." I reluctantly sat down on the chair sitting next to the door for ease of access in case I had to make a stormy exit. Ever cautious, thats me!
"Look to be completely honest with you I'd rather eat my own foot than marry you," he grinned.
"Ah, theres that silver tongue." I grinned back sarcastically.
"Not that I despise you anymore than you despise me. Think about it, you probably wouldn't want to marry me if I was the last person on the planet."
"You really have a talent for this? Don't you Captain obvious?" I could see his face redden but he was practicing extreme patience, something I lacked.
"The point is, why would two people that despise eachother, who can barely stand one another, who would probably strangle eachother to death if they had a chance..."
"Enough reciting poetry," I interrupted, seeing as he did, digress.
"...what could make them get married?" he resumed, "What could've possibly have happened to make us want to get married."
"Ah, we got sloshed?"
"I don't know about you but usually when I get drunk I don't get married."
"Isn't that fascinating?"
Smart arse.
He ignored aggitatively, "Look it doesn't matter. Okay. It doesn't matter how or why now regardless we hated eachother and somehow we got over that for one night courtesy of an inebrited state sure but we got over it all the same and nowe we are stuck with this mess. We both are. You don't like me."
"And the feeling is mutual," I added defensively although keeping in check that he was attempting a decent conversation for once.
"Right. But we need eachother's help to endure the questioning public and press that we can not stall forever. We have a movie coming out in a few days and we're both required to promote it."
"And we will be asked about the whole marriage debacle," I whispered, finally dawning realization of the object of his worries, "and I have no recollection of it."
"Neither do I! And remember to them we are
happily married."
"Of course," A jerked noise escaped my mouth that could've passed as a chuckle, almost.
"Our stories have to match and we need to collaborate with Adam on what would be the best way of going about this and fast. I think our Jay Leno interview is tommorow."
I sunk back in the chair, "Bullocks!"