Chapter XXI: Yellow
ORLANDO POVIt takes all it gives. Every time I rose above the adversities, the trivialities, it pounded me back to the ground.
“I am sorry son, I don’t think there is much we can do except operate on her she might just have a chance. However, there is a high chance that she will go into a coma and if she does we might not be able to revive her,” the elderly doctor explained.
“No, I discussed this with our previous doctor already. He said there is a 90% chance she will not survive if they operate on the tumour.” I tried to recover my senses, this was not the time to be breaking down not that I could help it.
“I am afraid you do not have very many options left at this point in time. It’s either an unsuccessful operation or …” His words fell like daggers on my heart, I stood there shaken.
“Just help her,” I finally mumbled.
“It will be okay son,” he said patting my shoulder, “We will need a waiver to be signed by her family though. "Are you related to her?” He made another revelation.
“I am not related but I am the only family she has here.”
“I hate to do this to you but you know the legalities of medical practices, we have to get it signed by a relative,” he said solemnly, “I am sorry.”
I watched the moving people in my stillness. Life was happening all around, in the newborns’ cries, in an elder’s coughing, in the shuffling of papers, in a women’s laughing, except, life had forgotten me. Knowing every moment is precious, I composed myself pushing the nothingness aside as I approached her bed.
“Hey beautiful.” I drew the curtains unable to make eye contact; I stammered around, “they said they will put you in a private room in a couple of hours.”
“Orlando,” her voice ebbing, “give me your hand,” she said attempting to raise her hand by her side but failing. I sat down clasping her hand in mine, keeping it close to my heart. My eyes finally meeting hers passed the sorrow that was becoming me. “Haha…I told you so.” She joked frailly curving her lips. My neck refused to support my head and it limply fell to my chest as I tried to etch my every nerve into focusing on not crying in front of her. “It’s okay. Hey, look at me,” she said nudging her hand in my tight grip. “I am happy. For the first time in my life I feel like I do not have to worry about anything. It’s such a wonderful feeling Orlando. Like flying in the sky, you know how I feel about that don’t you?” She beamed, “I am a better person all because of you.” She glowed with radiance unseemly of this world.
I nodded. Blinking away any signs of weakness, “Ky,” I grunted to clear my voice, “the doctor said they can operate and it might work.”
“Operative word, might,” she smirked.
“Yes but there is no harm in giving it a chance,” I pleaded. “Please. For me?”
“Orlando Orlando Orlando,” she sighed. “When will you learn?” she gazed at me pondering. “Fine, I will do it.”
“Thanks angel.” I kissed her forehead reluctantly, not wanting to sully the luminance on her face. “One more thing, we will have to tell your parents because they need a waiver from a relative and the way I look at it they will find out sooner or later anyways, right?”
“I will do a lot of things for you but not that. That I can’t do,” she said in defiant terms.
“Keira, you just agreed…”
“I agreed for the operation not to inform my parents,” she interjected breathing heavily.
“Okay, calm down,” I pained watching her lulling breaths, “nurse.” I called, panicked.
“Orlando, stop. Can you do that for me?” she said pulling herself up by grabbing my shirt, I caught her meek form in my arms.
“What are you doing?”
“Going home with you!” she grinned catching on to her breath. “You know you can’t deny me my last wish. I don’t want to die here plugged in machines,” she said brutally tearing the grip away from her wrist.
“No, Keira don’t,” my words meekly resounded.
“Pwease pwease pwease,” she smiled sweetly burying her head in my chest, mumbling, “take me home.”
“Fine, I’ll take you home.” I hugged her running my hands on her bare back I noticed the hospital gown didn’t cover her in entirety. “You are so stubborn, you know that?” I parted, enveloping her in a sheet I lifted her from the bed and cautiously made my way to the elevator, picking a rather darker hallway, hoping to use my star status to my advantage in the event someone does spot me smuggling her. Which wasn't of as much concern to me at this moment as her frail body, that clutched onto me, in desperation I fastened my grip around her and assured myself no amount of resistance will keep me from bringing her back for the operation next morning. It is our only fighting chance.
~~~~~~
ORLANDO POVThe car turned sharply engraving rubber markings on the road, swerving in a semicircle, it finally halted as I pressed the breaks right down to the bottom.
“Bullocks!” I said frustrated at the fumigating engine more concerned about her safety. “Are you okay angel?”
“Yeah, what happened?” she questioned meekly.
I freed my belt and lowered to her side to undo her belt. “Something is wrong with the engine.” I pulled her out in my arms kicking the door shut.
“Now what?” she said latching onto my neck.
My eyes stirred on the side of the street as a cheesy neon sign flashed right above us. ‘Chapel of love 24/7’ it stated. I smiled, brushing her cheek with mine I knew what to do.
“You think you are so smart don’t you? Vowing me to secrecy so there will be no operation.” I said lightly setting her down at the sidewalk watching her features tangle, I didn’t stop and bent down on one knee, taking her hand in mine, I looked straight in her eyes, “it’s a sign Keira.” I motioned my head to the neon sign, “marry me!”
“What?” she looked bedazzled.
“Marry me.” I exclaimed.
“You … know … I can’t,” she said swallowing a lump.
“You can. Remember what we talked about earlier tonight?” I stood up to match her eye level, “look at the stars Keira,” I entwined her fingers in mine bringing our palms together in a firm grip, her querying eyes arose for a moment falling right back on me. “No, look at the stars.” I claimed her eyes with my lips. “If ever there was a shooting star for me to wish upon. It became you. You are my only wish. Even if just for a day, even if just for this moment. Be mine Keira, marry me!”
Her quite sobs mustered in the tiny kisses she placed on my face. We made our way to the chapel, the paper, the ritual, the cheesy rings were all insignificant to the glint in her eye right that moment bellowing in life. After the ‘I dos’ I snapped the piece of paper quickly inserting it in the jacket pocket. And patted the precious lease of life, just to ensure its security glimpsing up to watch Keira’s amused face.
“What?”
“Are you happy now?” oddly energized, she locked my arm in hers as we walked back to the car.
“Very. I’ve got a lovely bride in a lovely, err…my kind of gown,” he grinned, “backless I mean.”
“Yes, your lovely pale bride,” she corrected, “in an even paler gown.”
“I’ll have you know Mrs. Bloom, yellow, has always been my favorite color.”
“Really?” she quirked a brow.
“If it wasn’t. It is now!” I smiled stopping to claim her lips in a long deep kiss. “You are so beautiful…” I swung her in my arms, “to me.” And another. “Can’t you…” with that she’d placed a finger on my lips fervently shaking her head.
“Cute, but annoying,” she said quieting me with her luscious lips once again, I didn’t really mind. “You know there is a beach nearby.”
“Beach? Oh yeah, never done it on the beach,” I joked, trying to hide my concerns with a zest for life. “Beach is good.”
“Men! You guys have such a one track mind,” she giggled.
“Can you blame me?” I lifted her in my arms wanting to get to the beach before sunrise.
~~~~~~~
KEIRA MUSINGS“How wonderful yellow is. It stands for the sun,” said the painter of Starry Night, Vincent Van Gogh. It is said he made that painting while he was in an asylum, people laughed at him when he told them he saw the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowing to him, not believing his emotional insanity one bit. Today that painting dazzles in art gallaries across the world, is praised and liked by many. Maybe some emotions are not meant to be understood, not in our time anyways. Maybe I was liking his aphorisms on the color. Maybe I didn’t care of reality when I could dream of the illusive sun this starry night.
Yes, Yellow. Opposite of blue. Not even the dark blue skies, not even the deep blue sea, not even the mystic night that fell upon us moistened with moonlit dew drops, nothing could make me blue again. It was all happening so quickly but the shortness of time deflected the uncharacteristic spontaneity in me. I didn’t want to stop any of it.
X----------X
I lay atop his figure, my eyes closed in a sweet bliss enthralling my every pore. The small waves sending a shivering sensation to my gut, touching my bowed feet momentarily only to dissipate as the ocean called them back where they belonged. Mirroring how I felt: belonged.
“Keira,” he called.
“Hmmm?” I responded without opening my eyes.
“Nothing.” After a few moments lapsed he called again, “Keira.”<br>
“What?” I agitated, eyes still tightly closed in the fear of breaking this reverie if I opened them.
“I just like saying your name.” I heard his heart pound hard against my temples. I opened my eyes sliding up to hover right above his face.
“I will always be with you.” I kissed him innocently, placing my head back on his chest in assurance that I understood his concerns. His grip was tightening around my midriff as the moistness seeped through his eyes. “Let’s spend a day in the life of Mr. and Mrs. Bloom today, shall we?”
“Look, over there, the sun is rising,” I felt his slight movement under me as he pointed at the horizon. I wanted to see but the shooting pain in my head was making it unbearable for me to latch on, without even knowing it I dug onto both sides clenching the sand grains in my fists in desperation to contain my pain but the darkening started taking me over, I heard his voice before going in a deep sleep, “Good morning my dearest wife.”
~~~~~~
ORLANDO POV“Orlando,” From the end of the long hospital hallway, Johnny’s familiar voice halted my consumed feet that paced helplessly outside the operation theatre. “How is she? I came as soon as I heard.” Deprived of a shoulder to cry on I hugged him tightly holding my tears inside, unable to speak. “She will be fine. Don’t worry man.”
I nodded wholeheartedly to his comforting words. “She will be right? She has to be alright.”
“That’s right, you keep that positive attitude. Here,” He handed me a book with a picture of a red-orange bird on it, “This is Keira’s I think she dropped it on the sets yesterday.”
Taking the book from Johnny, I read the title, “Phoenix Rising.” I knew of Keira’s fascination with birds, in particular geese. I was well aware that the phoenix is a mythical symbol of afterlife. When she started reading this, I never knew. Obviously, she was more prepared than I was. I peered at the cover, which symbolically portrayed the phoenix’s two worlds, the never-ending cycle of its immortality. Was she trying to tell me something? I flicked open to the first page, a rhyme weaved across a blank page before me, a handwritten prologue in a font I could recognize in a million.
When my words can’t find voices
I know your eyes will read them
Like intuition, wonderment is par
When I keep on falling
I know you’ll be there to catch me
Like instinct, always breaking my fall
When I close my eyes
I know I will always find you
Like insight, you are never too far
I held the book close to my heart glancing sideways at the doors that had just flickered open, the surgeon approached, relieving himself of the gloves that had her blood on it. “Is she alright?”
“I have good news and bad news. The good news is she made it through the operation,” I sighed in relief, abolishing the false thoughts disarraying the relics of my mind.
“And the bad news doctor?” I asked hopeful as the preceding had recovered my faith in hoping.
“She went into a coma. I am sorry there was nothing we could do.”
~~~~~~~
*WHISPERS*“We still haven’t heard anything about Mr. Bloom. But as soon as we do…”
The same sentences peel in your senses even when you are alone. Tossing in the bed I turned to stare at the ceiling, which seem to be caving in but the fear of the proverbial ghost doesn’t even let you close your eyes. So you start thinking happy thoughts that encircle only around one person, the love of your life, your husband which is more unsettling than it is pleasing. It seems as though you haven’t seen him in ages. You wonder to yourself how long has it really been? One, two, three, maybe even four years or were you even counting the eternity that had become your pass time?
The soothing tears fill your dry waiting eyes and blur your vision, just for a moment and you drift off in a sleep unknowingly, unwantingly, unwillingly.
X----X
Beep. Beep. Beep...
I pressed my ears almost pained at the monotonous beeping repetitiously echoing. Huge concrete walls were towered all around me, angled as if a human maze. What is this place? Why am I here? I let my instincts guide me as best they could. Walls were angled all around me but I was determined on getting out of this puzzle. This couldn’t be real anyway, I comforted myself, rubbing my arms in attempt to bring the chills down, still not minding this dream over the haunting I had become accustomed to. Finally, I saw an opening at the end of the maze, lit with bright rays ensuring an exit. I smiled feeling accomplished for having found my way out, after a long time. Just then I heard his voice calling me.
Would you have turned knowing it is probably just a dream? I would. And I did.
Almost impatiently, I ran in the direction of the voice wanting to see him, just once. His voice became sharper and clearer, leading my feet in resonance of my heartbeats, quicker and faster. I came to the center of the maze. A squared opening where he sat on his knees, his head hung low over a pale figure, my eyes widened as I saw her in his arms, her hand drifting to a side. Her fingers slowly jerking as if shuddering in death’s eyes.
“No, what are you doing! Throw her away.” I shrieked more in disgust than in horror. “How could you Orlando?” My urge of embracing him at sight deprecated in despair.
His familiar sad eyes arose rimming with tears. “Come back angel.”
And I stood there shocked. He forgot me? He is calling her angel?
“This is just a dream. You are not real. This can’t be real,” I stammered, backing away unbearably staring the love of my life, holding the dreadful pale creature.
“Yes Keira, it’s just a dream,” Amentet soothed, her voice the only thing comforting me, “let me help you.”
“No,” Orlando screamed at the top of his lungs, “don’t leave me.”
Amentet swirled drifting in air, “Come Keira I will help you.”
“Wait! How are you doing that? When did you come here? What is going on here?” I pressed on my temples on the verge of tears, bewildered.
“I will take away all your confusion Keira, all your woes,” she smiled leaning into me.
“Fight it angel, you can do it.” He cried painfully without ever leaving the pale figure. “Remember, you can. Come back to me.”
“Don’t do it.” Amentet’s tone became uncharacteristically violent as I stepped towards him, “I said don’t do it.”
I felt a sudden pain in my chest as I lunged towards him. I glanced at Amentet with determination, almost announcing my rebel feet against her will, moved guided only by his voice. Every step sending a throbbing pain in my heart …but I didn’t stop.
When my words can’t find voices
I know your eyes will read them
Like intuition, wonderment is par
I heard strange noises, clattering of metal tools. His voice blurring away in the haze that encircled me.
Thoughts flashed across my mind, my friends, my childhood, my family. Memories: both innocent and naughty, seeped through my veins, resending me in the jubilation of the miracle that is life. Life is so cruel but for my loved ones I’ll never let go. My loved ones: my husband a grown man to the world yet a reliant little boy to me; my brother whom I’d always emulate, admiring his every nonsensical habit; my father, whose board arms had rocked me aplenty; my mother’s contagious laughter at my insistence to read my favourite bedtime story when all she wanted was for me to go to sleep, always giving in to my whining.
Once upon a time there was a flock of geese, flying through the sky, with their flight so high they went far and wide. Geese always fly in pairs. So they can look out for each other.
“Weally?” I asked habitually.
“Yes, now lie down if you want to listen to the story.” My mom taunted. “Yeah, if one from the couple dies the other is left behind, without flight. One such couple was Ixi and Kacheek. One day a hunter shot Ixi down, as she came swirling to the ground Kacheek followed suit.”
“But mom? Umm… umm…Why didn’t Kacheek leave Ixi and fly by himself?” I interrupted again with inquisition in my eyes I tossed the blanket aside jolting up on the bed in a single motion.
“No honey, when someone loves you they never leave you?” my mom smiled ruffling my naturally blonde hair at my excitement.
“Then why did Lalando’s daddy leave him? Doesn’t he love him?” I sat down, unbeknownst to the sadness that gathered me at the thought. My inquiring looks brought a tender glare from my mom, as she arched her brows returning the inquisition with a little kiss on my nose.
“Of course he loves him honey.” She snuggled me in her arms.
“Then why did he leave Lalando?” My blurry eyes skewing the vision as I pouted.
“No sweetheart. He didn’t leave Orlando, he is just…” I looked attentively, stealing a look my mother continued, “he is still here. We don’t see him but he is with Orlando and his family in spirit.”
“What is a spirit mommy?” I inquired. Of course I won’t let her off that easily especially if it meant prolonging bedtime.
“A spirit is like an invisible bird,” my mom pondered more than she enlightened, figuring out the easiest possible way of communicating the complicated thought to me, “Do you remember yesterday when you couldn’t find your Pooh bear and were blaming Caleb, crying and saying that he lost it somewhere?” She said grabbing my stuffed animal from the shelf and giving it to me.
“Uh huh,” I nodded, hugging the cuddly toy tightly.
“And then we found it under Caleb’s bed?” I nodded again, unsure of where this was really going. “So you see, even thought you couldn’t see pooh bear, he was always here waiting for you to come and find him. Just like Ixi and Kacheek.”
“Oh.” I stretched, gawping at my mom.
X-----X
When I keep on falling
I know you’ll be there to catch me
Like instinct, always breaking my fall
“I am getting no pulse. On my go people, one, two, three, clear.” Her motionless body jerked once, a single violent motion before going to its stillness on the hospital bed as the doctors tried reviving her. “One more time…” the doctor motioned distinctly for the assisting staff to take places as he held the peddles on her upper body. “Mr. Bloom you really shouldn’t be in here.” He suggested busily clamping peddles in position while watching the monitor. I could care less of what he wanted me to do.
“She is not responding,” he said watching the straight neon line in the monitor. The line that meant life and death, she’ll have to cross it for me. How long can a person restrain without breaking down? How long could I endure watching her die each moment? Ninety-one long days she’d been in a coma. Ninety-one. And each and every night I was afraid to sleep because I thought, if I ever leave her side she’ll give up and I can’t let her give up. Not now, not ever. “It’s over.” The doctor sighed. His hand on my back sent a rush of realization.
“What the f**k are you saying?” I grabbed his collars, shaking him madly.
“I am really sorry Mr. Bloom.” He hanged his head defeated.
I watched him turn to the door hopelessly and positioned myself above her pale form. “No, you can’t leave me.” I lingered on top of her, shedding the tears over her peaceful features that seemed so oblivious of it all. “Come back angel.” My whispers breaking in the doors creaking close. I glanced over at the still line on the monitor still unwilling to accept this nightmare as fate. “No!” The screams of desperations resonated in the empty room, “don’t leave me.” Disorientated, I rested my palms firmly over her chest and began to thump her heart manually in hopes of a miracle. “Fight it angel, you can do it.” I pumped air into her lungs, bringing up pace from my numbing fingers that were of no match to the machine. “Remember, you can. Come back to me.” The tears, the fears, the notion of her death, it was all too much for me to understand. I started placing pressure on her chest almost violently.
The phoenix has fascinated artists, poets, and methodologists for centuries, its mystical qualities enthralling us to this day as it becomes an empty canvass staring at the inner artist in us, pleading to be painted upon. Make of it what you may.
The end is just another beginning.
Phoenix Rising…
“The end is just another beginning.” Keira closed her eyes reminding herself in a whisper and flew. She always wanted to…When I close my eyes
I know I will always find you
Like insight, you are never too farThe shock raised her again, this time the beeps became recurrent. “I don’t believe this,” the doctor exclaimed in shock, as he stood there after I’d insisted to come and try one more time just for my sake. I don’t know why I felt like she was listening and believed. Believed in something that wasn’t there, that didn’t seem possible.
Her fingers shuddered for a second, her eyes moving slightly under the lids. For a moment I watched the miracle along others in the room completely dumbfounded. Gaping at her as if we’ve seen a ghost. Maybe we are all pessimist by nature. Not appreciating good things when they happen. I finally broke the trance by taking her limp hand in mine, “Keira?” I took her face in my palms, caressing it slowly with my thumbs. The veil of her lids had lifted but slowly, she was coming to consciousness by sending me in a euphoric trance. I believed and I couldn’t. Her drowsy eyes found mine in an eternal gaze that lasted until the doctor finally grunted behind me, “looks like your prayers worked son. She is still weak. Don’t make her talk too much. Good luck.” He smiled glancing at us as he left.
I nuzzled into her face, touching the tip of her nose with mine, as I lingered over her, brushing the pristine waters of her face as they escaped from our eyes in resonance, in affirmation of the ecstasy that was unparalleled, immortal. Speech didn’t really understand the emotions I was going through words just weren’t enough to communicate the thoughts.
“Good morning dearest husband.” I saw her lips curve in a yielding smile.
“You are so heartless.” I unleashed my passion on her smile, capturing it in the warmth of lips. I slid my hands behind her without ever breaking the kiss, pulling her to my body. “Don’t ever do that to me again!” I placed a hand at the back of her head that was devoid of hair after the operation she’d gone through. The skin on her head was tender like that of a newborn.
“Unnh, how long?” her weak words resisted the lulling breaths.
“Shhh… Don’t talk.” I said placing another soft kiss on her lips I hugged her tightly not wanting to ever let go.
“Stop squeezing me, put me back on the bed and tell me how long I’ve been out for?” She quipped almost whispering. Her breaths still heavy, her spirits ever high.
“…And she is back.” I grinned inescapably as I placed her on the bed. Not wanting to leave I damned the hospital protocol and lay right beside her facing her in an unquenchable gaze. Another few minutes passed in comfortable silence as we let the moment engulf us in its embrace. “Wait till your family finds out.” I revelled in my excitement.
“What? You told them?” she taunted weakly.
“You think they’ll sit back and relax when you do not pick up the phone for ninety-one days straight?” I said rubbing her arm with the back of my fingers.
“Ninety-one?” her eyes widened in surprise.
“Yes ninety one! But thank God Ms. Amentet let you off easy.” I joked.
“What? How did you?” She relented, “you know her?”
“Yeah,” I stretched my arm over her recovering the book lying on top of the chair I was sitting on. “Didn’t you read it?” I said placing the book between us.
“I did,” she said as if she just remembered something, “Amentet. The Goddess of death,” I mimicked affirming the notion.
“Yes. Goddess of the west. The setting sun thus symbolizing death. I can’t believe you are into this crap Keira,” I sneered, “however,” I paused to study her puzzled features that were still lost somewhere in the abyss, trying to figure out what had just happened. I kissed her absent minded eyes, and started where I left, “however, there is one character I really like. Can you make a guess?”
She smiled knowingly the tenseness of her face melting into contentment. Hiding her face in the broadness of my chest she murmured the five most beautiful words I’ve ever heard, “I am never letting go!”
