POTC: The Curse of Fanfic Writers

[Rainbow]

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Fanfic Writers

Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG15
Synopsis: Three Internet friends arrange to take the vacation of their life on and uninhabited island in the Caribbean. When Orlando Bloom, in the midst of filming the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel, manages to get him shipwrecked on their island, hilarity ensues. Will three crazy fanfiction writers be enough to drive him screaming into the sea in search of a hungry shark?




Prologue

Message Miss Knightley (7/12/04 13:00): *looks at Hari and Serena* Let's start our own little colony of Orlando fiction writers. I'm sure there's some untamed island out there somewhere that we can move to.

Message Rainbow (7/12/04 13:06): Sounds good to me.

Message Serena (7/12/04 22:32): That sounds so cool... I am up for it.

Message Miss Knightley (7/13/04 00:28): I say we do it! That would be the funniest thing ever!


Once upon a time, thanks to the wonders of 21st century computer technology, there were three friends. Three very different people; of different ages and different locations but sharing one thing in common: they were all writers of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley fanfiction. One sunny day for Diana and Renee and an abysmally rainy day for Hari, they decided that after their impressive writing efforts it was high time they took a vacation. It was decided that a tropical island in the Caribbean would be most appropriate and they all set about arranging their respective methods of getting to the island of St. Vincent. There they would spend two days getting to know one another and pretending they were Pirates from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean, before taking a boat-bus to their very own uninhabited island.

It was all arranged for March 2005, somewhat tactically planned to coincide with the filming of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel but with the sole purpose of providing an occasion for the three friends to meet one another and enjoy a once in a lifetime vacation.

[Rainbow]

1. Hari

To say I was excited would be the understatement of the year. I had never been further from my homeland of England than Spain, or Norway I’m not sure which is further away, and here I was on my way to the Caribbean. Not only was I going to enjoy three weeks in the glorious sun, working on a tan to impress all, but I was going to meet two of my favourite people Renee and Diana, whom I had never seen before in my life. At this point I’m sure you are going to be concerned about my sanity, believe me so were my parents when I told them I would be spending the vacation on an uninhabited island with two people I had never met before. They didn’t seem to realise that these people arguably knew me better than a lot of people I saw every day and neither did they seem to realise that at the ripe old age of 18 they now had very little control over me.

I was currently on a flight bound for St. Vincent, where I would be meeting my two friends and staying for the first two days of our vacation. The plane lurched and the squeal I let out made all 50 passengers turn and stare at me. Yes it was a very small plane, but then it was a very small island we were flying to. My companion, who’s name I had yet to ask, sitting beside me thumped me with his magazine, which only made me yelp further. Apparently I was embarrassing him. Men!

“You’re sure f.ucking jittery,” my kind companion stated the obvious.

“No dah!” I scoffed but couldn’t help but grin when the plane lurched again and he clung to my arm for dear life.

“You were saying?” I mocked, detaching his clinging hand from my arm and throwing it back into his lap.

We had a bit of an adolescent banter going on for the rest of the journey. He seemed thoroughly amused by the fact that I was on my way to meet and spend three weeks with complete strangers. Why does nobody understand that these people are not strangers? He found it even more hilarious when I said we were spending our time on an uninhabited island and made some rather snide comments about how would I survive with no hair dryer and didn’t all teenagers live for television. Yeah well, I’m not all teenagers. I was really taking a dislike to him until he told me where he was going. My new friend, oh yes I call him that now, was on his way to act in a movie. Had I heard of it, Pirates of the Caribbean? I nearly screamed yet again. In fact I probably would have if he had not seen it coming and pressed his hand against my mouth in anticipation.

Then of course came the extensive conversations about the cast and crew of the film, an in depth discussion about the first movie, which also involved a quote contest, and my admission that I was a bit of a fanficcer when it came to Orlando and Keira.

By the time we had landed I was almost sorry to see him leave. We exchange cell numbers and he promised to fill me in on all the behind the scenes gossip. I found out that his name was Tod and I can’t wait to tell my new friends all about him when I see them. So here I am at St. Vincent airport. I seem to be the first to have arrived and so I look forward to greeting them into this adventure when they arrive.

[Rainbow]

haha, hey guys okay a temporary working title, anyone got better ideas and I’ll change it. ;D

Also a note to everyone on this board: feel free to fly yourselves in and join in ;D I didn't know who else was interested so I just started with the three of us but the more the merrier so please join if you want.

Rating of PG15 just because I opened it with some rather vulgar language, sorry bout that. If you want me to put it higher then that’s cool or probably more likely to be hot!

In terms of writing, I thought Diana's Beautiful Disaster was quite a cool structure to follow so every one can just write their own POVs and create a story through opinions, as it were. But if you wanna do narration, like Trees, then go ahead that’s cool too.


Have fun guys. I look forward to seeing what kind of mayhem we can cause in the Caribbean ;D


Edit: PS it's a temporary pic too. I'm sure one of you incredibly talented banner people can make a better one :grins:

[Miss Knightley]

First off, I think the pic is perfect! Especially for the synopsis that you gave of the story. I had to go in my bedroom to have a good laugh before I could type properly and not make up my brother.

Alright, here's my go at it!

[Miss Knightley]

"So you're going to a deserted island with two people you've never met, and you're staying for three weeks...So did you want to be burried after they kill you, or cremated?"

I looked at Heather, my best friend of 16 years, and smirked. "Well if they kill me in the Carribean, I think I should like to stay there than come back here."

I was driven to the airport by my entire family, for fear it would be the last time I saw them. "Guys!" I proclaimed. "I'm going to the Carribean for some fun! Not to war, relax!" I looked around at the crestfallen faces. "Carribean? Fun?" No one responded.

Exasperated, I turned and waved over my shoulder without looking back at anyone. Such stress balls, these people were. It would be good to get away for awhile. And, did I mention, TO THE BLOODY CARRIBEANS?!

Besides, I told myself as I looked out the window of the plane. "It was Hari and Serena. Two people just as silly and goofy as I was. What could possibly go wrong?

I watch my luggage tossed under the plane as delicatley as a cat choking on a hairball, then settled back in my seat. Writing sped the time along nicely, and when I landed and finally had my beatup suitcase, I stood alone amidst the madness. Who exactly was I looking for?

[Rainbow]

It was Hari and Serena. Two people just as silly and goofy as I was. What could possibly go wrong?

I think you just jinxed the hell out us, hehe. What in deed.

watch my luggage tossed under the plane as delicatley as a cat choking on a hairball

haha nice imagery, thats a most amusing simile.


haha excellent this is gonna be so much fun

[Rainbow]

3. Hari


The airport foyer soon emptied and I was left sitting on my bag, in silence. After half an hour I was so bored that I was contemplating offering to help the janitor, who must have swept the floor in front of me at least three times. It was a very small airport and could probably only handle a few planes at a time. I didn’t have to wait long before the next plain arrival was announced and I stood expectantly watching the single door that lead from the foyer to the planes. All of a sudden I was in the middle of chaos. People came flooding through the door like water breaking through a dam and suddenly the place was swarming. I looked around wildly not knowing what exactly I was looking for. Was this Renee’s plane or Diana’s, or neither? I was beginning to wish I had made a banner, with their names in bright colours but I had failed to think that far ahead.

I ran over to the man on the intercom and begged him to let me use it.

“What on earth for?” He questioned.

“My friends might have been on this plane and I don’t where they are,” I pleaded, like a young child that had lost its mother. Perhaps if I had been a young child he would have been more sympathetic but instead he rolled his eyes at me and turned away.

“Please,” I tucked my hair behind my ears and followed him along the counter that separated us.

He sighed. “What do they look like?” He asked, having no intention of announcing them but possibly aiding me in my search.

“I don’t know,” I replied, “I’ve never met them.” He looked at me as if I was crazy, perhaps I was crazy but that wasn’t the issue at hand. He shrugged and walked into a backroom into which I could not follow. I cursed under my breath; looking back into the crowded room and desperately trying to come up with plan B.

“I’m a little tea pot short and stout,” I sang at the top of my voice. “Here’s my handle here’s my spout.” Okay this had got to be the most stupidest plan B I had ever come up with. “When I get all steamed up here me shout.” Is it just me, or did that carry a frightening amount of innuendo?

I was standing on the counter of the rude steward that hadn’t let me use his intercom. Call this payback I thought to myself. The room had long since gone quite and everyone had turned to stare at me as I concluded my little song. “Tip me up and poor me out,” I even blessed my avid audience with the actions.

There was silence, as people glanced at one another, not sure whether it would be rude to laugh.

“I’d like to dedicate that song…” I began but paused when I felt someone tugging at me and turned to see the mean steward. “To my good friends, Renee and Diana.” I managed to blurt out before I fell backwards on top of the poor guy and squished him to the ground. He had that coming! I could here people muttering about my English accent, apparently being British was an excuse for my actions and the room was filled with noise again as people went back to their own business. The steward I had squashed got up, brushed himself down and glared at me, before a companion joined him and they rather roughly began to escort me to an exit.

“Hari,” I heard my name called and turned to see a young woman running towards me. The face was vaguely familiar and realised I had seen it on Diana’s banner for learning to breathe.

“Diana,” I squealed, wiggling free of their grasp. I ran to her and embraced her as if we were old buddies. The two men were eyeing me cautiously but they seemed to decide that now there was someone slightly saner to look after me I wouldn’t be any more trouble. I couldn’t help but laugh. Obviously they had no idea how much more mischief I would get up to under the influence of my new friend.

[Reens]

OMG guys you are so good.

I am gonna need a little time to write up my first chapter. Pretend I am missing. *hides behind the couch*

[Rainbow]

Aww sweetie, i'm just messin about.
Its great fun... ;D

Hope you arrive soon. Your leaving poor Diana stuck in the Caribbean with me! Good luck D, haha

[Reens]

4 - Serena's POV

I lifted my 200 lbs carry-on at the sight of the pepto-bismol colored truck entering the driveway. I was so excited that I was going to be meeting two of the most amazing people. I’ve become so accustomed to them over the past few days. The net brought us together but I could’ve sworn it seemed like I knew them forever. I had no doubt in my mind that I will have the adventure of my life in Caribbean with Hari and Diana.

I jumped in the truck, snickering at my friend Willis who was fashionably late, “you queens like to make entrances, don’t you!”<br>
“You hags like to grill, don’t you?” he added unmoved.

x-----------x

I shifted my weight anxiously from the heels of my left foot to the toes of the right waiting for Hari and Diana at the small Airport. I’d seen Diana’s picture and I thought Hari shouldn’t be too hard to spot. All I’ll have to do is pull out the CD of “Live” I’d specially brought, for blackmailing Hari later, and get the airport security to announce if someone ‘dropped it.’

An old lady that was passing by stopped and looked at me rather peculiarly as I nervously swayed between my feet, “Honey, the washroom is that way,” she grinned pointing at the far side of the terminal.

“Ah…wha?” I pulled a face and my voice rose considerably at the insinuation, “I don’t have to pee!” I lowered my tone defensively.

The old lady shrugged and threw a sarcastic “if-you-say-so” look at me before continuing her penguin-like walk to the terminal door.

“…grr,” the irritating thought overcame my anxiousness as I got a little more conscious of myself. I calmed down before making my way to the information booth.

As I was standing up the escalators absent mindedly, I spotted Diane and Hari coming down on the adjacent elevator in the opposite direction giggling obliviously.

My frown turned into an enormous grin. I looked away before they notice me, quickly climbing two stairs at a time. I caught on to them on the other escalator and cautiously stood behind while they chatted, still grinning wide.

x------------> Passing the hot potato

[Rainbow]

All I’ll have to do is pull out the CD of “Live” I’d specially brought, for blackmailing Hari later, and get the airport security to announce if someone ‘dropped it.’

hahaha, ROFL Frickin' brilliant girl.
Oh dear, so hilarious!

[Miss Knightley]

I looked around hearing someone singing really loudly, and really badly, at the top of their lungs. Something told me this was my silly british friend and when I called her name and she tackled me, I assumed I was right.

After waiting F-O-R-E-V-E-R for Srenena and she still hand't shown up, we decided to get something to eat. Riding the escelator to the floor with the food shops on it, someone stood quite close to us on the step behind us. I glanced sideways at Hari and lowered my voice. "This chick is seriously in my personal space. I'm concidering giving her a booty bump!"

As we stepped off the staris, my bag got caught in the conveyor and was being sucked under. I screamed and latched on, everyone coming down falling over me and collapsing on the floor. "ACK!" I pull and pull, only to have the strap break and send my bag and I flying back into the pile of people. Grinning sheepishly, I look around.

"Oops...did I do that?"

[Rainbow]

^hahah, ah what a classic. the comedy, the comedy!
ROFL ;D

[Loreley]

alright, I stumbled across the idea of this trip by pure accident and even though poor me seems to be the only one not writing professionally I just had to sulk and grumble and complain about me being forgotten and left all alone in bloody G. (not to take seriously! ) when Diana, my absolutely adorable sister by choice invited me I got all excited for the obvious. an adventure trip with some of the most important never-ever-even-met-friends in my entire life, that promised to be a whole lot of fun. not forgetting to mention that those people always made me laugh no matter how deep down in the dumps I was in times. so I decided to accept the invitation at the last minute. but late as I was I had to hurry and whenever miss high heels(me ) is in a hurry she trips over her own feet and falls flat on her face. so I had to take a taxi to the airport. the taxi driver was a nasty little man who screamed at me in a foreign language. for some reason he was pointing at my shoes and waving his hand in front of his forehead all the time. why he did that was a complete mystery to me... I arrived at the airport just in time to see Miss Diana perform some sort of strange stunt.

[Miss Knightley]

*giggles ferociously* this is going to be sooo fun

[Reens]

Welcome Aims. So nice of you to have joined us.

Professionally? Yeah I am about as professional as Austin Powers. Groovy babayyyyy!


p.s. who's turn is it? Or are we doing this randomly??

[Rainbow]

It had better be random... haha other wise we ccould be here for a while.

I will try and get some up later, i got attacked with a plot bunny last night though in the form of a quite terrifying nightmare but it kindof distracted by writing attention...

Yeah so that survey that asked about nightmares in the past 24 hour, pencil me in for a yes. *shudders*

[Reens]

Di do you have any idea how much the words "booty bump" made me laugh? I think my co-workers were questioning my sanity when I busted out laughing spraying coffee all over my computer screen at work. PUT A WARNING NEXT TIME...!

Hari, I will wait for you them sweets. *hugs* Sorry about the nightmare babe.

[Rainbow]

Hari:

I knew any attempt at getting together with the Bloom ‘N Knightley crew would turn into a comedy fest but I wasn’t expecting it to happen from the very first minute. Indeed I don’t know what I was expecting but tumbling tits over arse at the bottom of an escalator, as my new friend managed, in true Diana style, to get her bag caught in the conveyor, was not high on the foreseen events list. She managed to escape before I crashed on top of her but I, unfortunately was not so lucky and ended up with a great deal of people on top of me. I let out a stream of abusive language as people disentangled themselves and looked up at the woman offering me her hand. I could tell from the humour in her eye instantly who it was but her, “and you must be Hari,” confirmed it.

“Renee,” I squealed, the events of just seconds ago dissipating from my mind as I entrapped her in a hug. I released her and turned to see another young lady, about my age, watching us and chuckling. The stewards had managed to turn of the escalator and Diana was thanked them before returning to the group, of now, four members.

“Amy?” she asked cautiously, before grinning, repeating her name and flinging her arms around our friend. Renee and I were soon to follow in her example and after a great round of hugs and hellos we all stood grinning at each other. I was the first to move, ducking behind Renee in terror, as my dear friend the mean steward approached us.

“Ladies could I please ask you to move along and clear the foyer?” He asked kindly, apparently not noticing me hiding behind my friend. “We are expecting an important arrival shortly and don’t want and trouble,” he informed us, before turning to leave.

“Hotel?” I grinned, jumping out from my hiding place when I was sure he had gone. I waved a key in front of my new friends and awaited a response.

“Sounds good to me,” Amy commented, before grinning and adding, “pool party.” A loud cheer erupted from all of us causing everyone to, yet again, turn the focus to us. I caught the glance of my steward friend and couldn’t help but chuckle at the look of despair upon his face as he rolled his eyes. I smugly turned on my heels, joining in with the humorous chatter that had begun and likely wouldn’t cease until we bid each other farewell. And finally, much to the relief of all the airport staff, we left. Ready to begin our vacation and ready to hit the pool.

[Reens]

Yeah pool party!

Loving the update babe... I can go next if no one minds.