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Post by Jems on Oct 19, 2004 10:55:12 GMT -5
‘1…2 …’
A loud snort escapes from one of them, making my prediction correct. I smile triumphantly at my good guess, until they start to giggle wildly.
‘Unbelievable,’ I think to myself. ‘Less than a minute together and they already sound like a pack of hyenas.’
‘Orli?’ I snap back to attention.
‘Yes?’<br> ‘Mum’s out.’<br> I groan. ‘Ok.’<br> I notice Sam and Kate have now stepped into the hallway. I follow them as I notice how cruelly the frosty winter weather is biting into my skin. As I shut the door, warmth creeps slowly into my body in welcome.
I look up to find the steep staircase that I tumbled down when I was tiny. I broke my arm from that. I had been proud at the time and everybody at school signed my cast. That was, until Billy Mason a boy in my class, covered it with swear words. I can safely say my mother still hasn’t got over that.
As I wonder further into the hall, I notice Kate looking closely at the family portraits that hang proudly on the walls. I cringe as my eyes scan over me as a baby. A few stray, dark curls are plopped on top of my head. I fashion a huge toothless smile, which is no doubt only being worn because of something idiotic the cameraman had been doing at the time. And, to make matters even more embarrassing, I am wearing what appears to be a blue sailor suit.
Oh, the pain.
‘Mum will be back in 10 minutes,’ Sam informs me.
She has now moved into the kitchen and is filling up the kettle and clattering about as she gathers some mugs together. I walk through the doorframe, leaning myself up against a counter before replying.
‘Ok thanks, I guess I should have called to say we were coming.’<br> Sam waved off my comment and shrugged.
‘Maybe. Tea or Coffee?’
I rake a hand through my hair, attempting to keep the loose curls from falling over my face. ‘Tea would be nice.’<br> Sam merely nods, tossing a tea bag in a sea blue mug. Kate walks into the room smiling, drawing to my side.
‘Drink, Kate?’
Her smile becomes broader as she nods. ‘A coffee would be brilliant thanks, Sam. Do you need a hand?’<br> Sam answers her question with a shake off the head.
‘Well, in that case I will just pop to the bathroom.’<br> ‘That’s fine, you remember where it is?’ Sam said, her back to us as she tipped one spoonful of Nescafe into the last cup.
Silence lulls over us as we listen to Kate slowly pad up the stairs. I examine my sister’s movement with extreme caution when I notice a sudden stiffness in her posture. When she turns to look me in the eye, I see a sadness that had been so well hidden, creep up to the surface.
Queasiness rolls over onto its side in my stomach, making room for dread to squeeze in. I open my mouth to ask what’s wrong, but my voice seems to have run off into an unexplored land. I can’t speak, or is it I don’t want to? Do I not want to find out what’s wrong, because I know it’s bound to have something to do with my wrongdoing?
No, I won’t ask…I won’t.
Tears are now leaking out of her dark eyes, and slithering down her face at a slow pace. My heart takes over my worries, betraying my wishes. I can’t see her like this. She’s my sister and I love her.
‘Sam…’ I whisper. She ignores me, but her gaze never drops in the slightest. ‘Sammy…’ I start, pleased when she snaps out of her trance.
My hand reaches forward, heading to wipe away the wet trail that has marked her skin. She jerks away from me, pushing me backwards.
‘Please…’ I beg, as soon as I see her lip start to quiver, ready to release a sob. ‘Please, Sammy, don’t cry. I…’
‘Where have you been, Orlando?’ She suddenly whispers, interrupting the babble that was about to fall out my mouth. I find myself lost for words, slowly lowering my hand away from her.
‘Where have you been?’ She demands, this time not even pausing to let me answer her. ‘You haven’t visited for nearly a year, where the hell were you at Christmas? I’m surprised I even recognise your face. Don’t tell me you don’t care about your family, Orlando, you aren’t like that. I know that much about you.’<br> ‘Sa-Sam I’m sorry.’ I stutter, feeling all hope vanish from my body.
I finally find enough strength in my body to urge her into a hug. Her tears soak into the soft material of my shirt and she shakes and shakes as she sheds all the sadness in her heart.
I know she has forgiven me as soon as she curls my clothing into her fists, pulling me closer to her obviously needing some sort of comfort. I remain confused. Never have I seen my sister so weak… so vulnerable. I feel as if a fly could hurt her, as if a slow abuse of a word could send her hurtling down into the depths of hell.
‘Tell me,’ I whisper softly into her ear, trying to sound as calm as possible, ‘Why I have that feeling inside that tells me that I am not the only cause of your tears.’<br> As I speak, my hands lay to rest on her shoulders so she is at arms length away. Her look tells me I’m right, there is no need to use words. There is also no need when she lifts her top to reveal her ever so slightly rounded stomach.
I’m motionless. My mouth remains half open and my gulps for air comes in quick, short bursts. I can faintly hear her new sobs as she flings herself at me. I only just catch her in my arms. I only just recognise my words of comfort that flow out my lungs with no command from my brain.
‘It’s going to be ok.’ I soothe, my hand running up and down her back, hoping it will decease the pain. ‘Everything is going to be fine. I’ll help you out, whenever you need me, and I-’<br> ‘-I’m getting an abortion, Orlando.’<br> I almost throw her away from me as the words tumble around my brain with a sharp sting. An abortion…she can’t…she just can’t.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers. ‘I know how you feel about ab-‘<br> ‘Don’t even say it.’ I spit, anger welling up inside me so much, I feel as if I am going to explode.
‘Please,’ she cries, her voice shrill as she begs. ‘Orlando, I need you with me…please come with me.’<br> My eyes burn with incredible rage even though I attempt to swallow my anger back down my throat.
‘Please, just think about it?’ She says, her tone full of panic as we both hear footsteps coming back down the stairs and a key turn in the door lock.
I don’t even need to place my eyes on her to know how desperate she is. Despite my immense fury I sense her terror and give a curt nod, before placing a forced smile on my face as I prepare to meet my mother.
I knew I would be right, this day is by far one of the worse I have ever experienced. I squeeze my eyes shut as Kate sidles to my side again, finding my hand. As much as I wish to do so, I don’t vanish. Instead when I open my eyes, I welcome myself to life…and I hate it.
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Post by venus567 on Oct 19, 2004 14:03:24 GMT -5
fabulous!
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Post by Rainbow on Oct 20, 2004 5:21:07 GMT -5
Wowzers. Damn it girl this is the chap i'm supposed to be brutal to. Couldn't you just let a few things slip, just so i can point them out and not be an annoying teeny bopper that goes, wow! Like i just did. Dam it. Okay i am going to be brutal, just you wait and see, i will find something, damnit. Sulks. PS, really liked the update
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Post by Jems on Dec 26, 2004 6:36:35 GMT -5
A/NSorry, i know I basically abandoned this fic for a couple of months but i've finally written the 4th chapter (although its short, sorry!) Hope you all had a great Xmas! Chapter 4:Keira's POV Friday 18th December 2004 5:40pmSoft wind brushes across my cheeks as I make my way down the street littered with gaping shop windows. My hand is occupied with the feel of icy fingers threading my own as Jamie gently takes hold it. I smile, leaning closer to the welcoming body that will wrap me in the safety of warmth. Happiness appears to swarm around in the atmosphere with a Christmas buzz. Content shoppers, fashioning dozens of bags rammed full with presents, bustle by in haste, attempting to get home for dinner in time, or beat the hectic madness of rush hour. Glittering decorations hang magnificently from walls, street lamps and signposts spreading the joyous festivity. It’s almost the perfect picture. ‘Are you ready to go home?’ Jamie asks, using his free hand to tug down a coat sleeve and study his watch. Pondering in thought for a second or two, a pair of eyes that are my own, scan the surrounding scenery until I see what I am looking for. ‘Yes-‘ I pause, to watch the expression of my boyfriends face lighten miraculously. ‘-After we’ve popped into this last shop.’<br> His features fill with disappointment so quickly I can’t help but giggle endlessly as he exclaims that the last furniture shop we were supposed to have looked in was two hours ago. ‘I’m sorry.’ I apologise through laughter, not so sincerely as he may have been hoping. I enter the building before he can stop me. ‘But if I remember rightly it was you that said it was time to purchase a new bed.’<br> ‘That might be true-’ Jamie growls through gritted teeth, trudging along beside as I hurry towards the bedroom section. ‘-But when I said it, I didn’t expect you to drag me around the whole of bloody London!’<br> I shoot him a sweet smile, jumping onto a large, random double bed before pulling him down with me. ‘This ones quite nice.’ I state, ignoring the previous comment while I bounce up and down like a small child testing the mattress. ‘What’s the price?’<br> Jamie looks around before shrugging his shoulders unhelpfully. ‘I don’t know, it doesn’t say a price like the others. I’ll go and find somebody to ask, yeh?’<br> I nod gratefully. ‘Thanks.’<br> I watch as his body disappears around the corner and flop back onto the bed exhausted. I still feel groggy from the cold that seems to be vanishing menacingly slowly from my system. After a while of waiting and attempting not to fall asleep due to the cosiness of the mattress, I stand up, eyes wandering around the contents of the building. From observation I can immediately tell that it is one of those shops that seem to contain more or less everything you can imagine. Toys, furniture, beauty products, clothes, food, jewellery or to cut the list short I can just say that this place is my idea of heaven. I dither on the spot considering exactly what to do. I can either, wait here for Jamie and become incredibly bored (and when that happens it is most likely that I will wonder off anyway), or I could just stick to this floor and go and check out the pretty candles by the counter. I chew on my lip deep in thought, glancing around guiltily before dashing off. Candles here I come! 10 minutes later I am surrounded by scented candles and am sniffing them repeatedly, trying to decide whether to purchase the blue, called ocean, or the purple, which smells of lavender. Finally noticing the time I get to my feet, conscious of the fact that Jamie is probably looking for me, and most certainly with annoyance in manner. Swiftly turning the corner at a fast pace I don’t notice the other body coming towards me until it’s too late and collide into them clumsily. ‘I-I-I’m so sorry.” I splutter uncontrollably my voice full of apologetic tone. ‘It’s not a problem.’ Says the female reply. Then- ‘Keira?’<br> My head snaps up in an instance at the query of my name and the familiarity of the voice. An astonished face fills my sight, long blonde hair pushed back over shoulders, sparkling eyes and thin frame. I try not to scream as panic claws frantically at my throat clouding my senses. What is Kate doing here? I stand there not knowing quite what to do but can’t help but wonder if she would possibly notice if I turn and run. But I can’t escape, because before I can even do anything she grabs me into a huge hug and I feel myself choking back a sob of fear. Please don’t let him be here. Please don’t let him be here. ‘I don’t believe it!’ She squeals happily, ‘How are you?’<br> As she loosens the embrace I look around with panic, where the hell is Jamie? I turn back to see her eager expression awaiting my answer. ‘Uh, ok,’ I manage to croak when I finally speak without the threat of crying. ‘W-what about you?’<br> ‘Oh fine, I’m spending the holidays over here this year.’ I nod pretending I’m listening but my eyes are stuck on a body coming towards us. When Kate finally catches on from following my eye-line she says his name to grab his attention. He instantly becomes alert, snapping out of a daydream he must have been drowning in and falling into the nightmare I have become accustomed to. As soon as he looks at me he halts, only a few feet away, shock from his body running through the air at the greatest speed and thrashing into mine. His eyes are wide and staring, mouth almost open, stray curls peeping out of the hat rammed carelessly on his head. ‘Baby, I just bumped into Keira! Isn’t it funny seeing her here!’ Kate says enthusiastically and Orlando nods in reply, obviously as lost for words as I am. She stops short suddenly and when an arm curls round my waist, which can only be Jamie’s, I know why. More delighted screams and squeals of commotion come to exist as Kate hugs him happily and Jamie shakes Orlando’s hand warmly before retreating back to me, placing a soft kiss on my cheek. I can’t even bring myself to avert my eyes anywhere but the floor as Kate and Jamie settle into conversation. Orlando says nothing. I can hardly bring myself to look at him, knowing that I might be captured by the horror of him seeing me glancing and threaten me into bursting into sobs with those innocent orbs. ‘So where are you staying?’ I hear Jamie ask. I don’t catch the reply as the intercom screams throughout the shop preventing my eardrums from accepting any other noise. When the booming stops I only notice Jamie’s delighted reply. ‘That’s not far from us! We should meet for dinner sometime.’<br> I strangle a gasp, my head lifting without any signal from my body to meet pools of brown. I try to pull myself away from the gaze but no matter how hard I attempt to I remain transfixed. Our body’s seem to receive each others signs of sorrow, and words that maybe should have been shared so long ago are begging to be let free. However, it is not the time nor place so we remain silent, for the fear of our mouths actually opening may reveal the uncertainty of a dilemma that may unfold so willingly that only a tragedy can become of it. Background chat still flows into my ears freely and I realise that if I were to die right now, I would be severely delighted. ‘So are you two spending Christmas together?’ Kate asks. Jamie’s arm tightens around my waist, planting yet another kiss against my head and for the first time in my life I wish he would just let me go. ‘Yes, it’s going to be great seeing as we couldn’t see each other last Christmas.’ Colour begins to drain from my face as soon as the topic of Christmas starts and the lack of breath finding its way to my lungs starts to become an issue. Sickness swirls around in my stomach until I straighten up with a start, shoving Jamie away from me so hard everyone looks at me startled. ‘Sweetheart, are you feeling all right?’<br> ‘I feel sick.’ I mutter in a small voice, noticing all too well the concerned looks across everyone’s face. But it was only when Orlando’s hand came to rest upon my arm with worry that the illness nestling in the pit of my stomach started to roar. Before throwing a hand up to cover my mouth I whimper an excuse me. Then, I flee out of the shop and into the cold December mist, which greets me with far more reassurance that I am out of that nightmare then anything or anybody else in the world can do.
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Post by OrliKeiraluva on Jan 7, 2005 19:55:00 GMT -5
*mouth hanging open, speachless* I...I...You...Th... *takes deep breath and screams excitedly, jumping around* FEE FI FO FUM!! I SMELL A VERY GOOD FANFIC COMING ON!!!! Update pleeeeaaazzzzeee... ;D
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Post by Jems on Jan 9, 2005 19:42:52 GMT -5
Why thank you Chicka ;D A/N: Sorry for the wait, finally got this chapter up. Umm yeh, hope you like it anyways. Chapter 5:Orlando's POV Friday 19th December 2004 10:37pmStill captured in a peaceful slumber, I turn over in bed, arm wandering lazily over the mattress until I come into contact with a body. Veiled in a shallow sleep, I slide an arm over a flat stomach so I can hold her close, nose burying itself into her neck. Gradual movement as we both wake up means eyelids flutter open intermittently, as a tiny fragment of our bodies still fight them close so we can be absent in the world. ‘Morning.’ She finally whispers through a yawn and a sleepy smile, her body turning onto its side so she can face me. ‘Morning love.’<br> I return the smile, marking a tender kiss upon her slightly rosy cheek before rolling onto my back and stretching. Arms, which are coiled around her body, slither away from touch when she steps out of bed, telling me she’s popping in the shower. I nod, knowing all to well she wishes me to join her but I decline, as I face the fact that my body can’t be bothered with the effort. When I hear the spatter of water stop, I move over to a chair stationed by the window, wrestling my way into some jeans. ‘You have remembered I’m going out today, haven’t you?’ Kate calls from the bathroom, her voice floating into the room. I yelp, tugging helplessly at my t-shirt, which is smothering me cruelly as I search for the head hole. When I eventually stop my struggling, my sight being repaired from darkness, I answer. ‘Yes, of course.’<br> ‘No you didn’t!’ She laughs, poking her head round the doorframe to see my bewildered expression, her wet hair hanging lifelessly in limp strands. I shrug sheepishly, wandering into the bathroom and turning on the taps. Running my hand under the water, which weaves through my fingers helplessly before I cup them and splash the caught liquid onto my face. ‘Where are you going anyway?’ I splutter curiously, before cheekily grabbing the corner of her towel to wipe my face dry. She laughs at my antics, slapping me on the arm before tugging back her cloth, which is at a threat of falling. ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’<br> I grin. ‘Yes love, I’d like that very much indeed.’<br> She shakes her head at me but smiles all the same, flipping me the bird over a shoulder as she walks away. ‘So what am I supposed to do?’ I moan, following her into the bedroom and slumping onto the bed with a childish pout, staring up at the ceiling. ‘Are you saying I have to entertain myself?’<br> I feel her weight press onto the mattress as she straddles my body before I can complain further. Arms plant themselves either side of my head, lips brushing ever so softly against my own before leaving their mark more firmly. Contentment rules my senses as her tongue meets mine in a luscious dance; hands wondering under her t-shirt and up and down smooth skin of a bare back. She tears away finally leaving air dragging itself from my lungs so my chest heaves critically. Placing a last touch on my mouth she straightens up, ignoring my attempt at puppy dog eyes, which she usually can’t resist. ‘Have fun without me.’<br> Damn. It not long until she has gone and I’m alone in an empty apartment, boredoms presence already hanging thickly in the air. Staring around, I grab some toast before flopping down on the settee, scanning over my latest script. Just as I start to become lost in the words, the doorbell sounds snapping me out of the creation I have formed inside my head. Swallowing the last of my toast and wiping my hands on my jeans to rid of crumbs, I swing open the door, chewing in the process. I swallow with difficulty as Samantha’s attendance strikes me. Forlorn orbs settle on my own and the dread in the pit of my stomach refuses to journey away from sentiment. Verbal communication is not needed, only physical as I stand aside, gesturing for her to step inside. It’s only when we have settled down on the settee, mug of tea in hand when I speak aloud. ‘Why are you doing this?’<br> She sighs, staring at her feet as if interested at the sight, but we both know it’s because she just can’t bring herself to look at me. ‘You know why, Orli.’<br> A soft voice. Barely audible, as if ashamed to even be heard. I find myself wanting be nice, to be the loving brother she wishes me to be, but I can’t. Initial guidelines that seem to be stuck in my head called beliefs refuse to wonder. ‘Actually Sam, I don’t. Would you rather be selfish and ruin a life just for your sake?’ Instantly I regret the words that burn out of my mouth and if I can only turn back time, I know the approach would have been so much different. But as usual I ruin it. Say the exact wrong thing which can only lead to far more anticipated tears. Sighing I inch to her side, binding her in a delicate hug. ‘Oh Sammy, I’m sorry, I truly am…I ju- I don’t understand why you have to do this.’ I frame her face with hands, stopping the salty flow of droplets with brushing thumbs. When no reply is fed I can only resort to another question. One that has been nagging at the depth of my mind but has not escaped until now. ‘Who’s the father, Sam?’<br> Between hiccups, she forces an answer. ‘Jason.’<br> Relief floods over me with a warmth of comfort. Jason. Jason Thorpe. The man she has been dating for at least a year and a half and holds the appreciation of all my family. Last time I had seen Sam and him together, I was very much aware of the presence of love, but seeing the sadness overwhelming my sister’s features I cannot help but wonder. ‘He left me and wants nothing to do with it.’<br> All the present emotion named satisfaction dissolves within seconds of hearing that sentence. Disbelief clouds over my mind and as I try to see some sense of the situation I realise it’s impossible.
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Post by Jems on Jan 9, 2005 19:43:07 GMT -5
‘What?’
The query comes out calmer then expected. Coolly. As if I just want her to repeat because my ears have failed me, but after hearing the same line again I know it is all just too much.
‘How dare he!’ I growl furiously, springing to my feet, hands curled into tight fists wanting to beat the hell out of the first thing that I see.
‘Orlando.’ A voice says quietly ringing with warning, telling me to compose myself.
Her hand on my shoulder makes me soften instantly and I sink back down onto the couch. I bury my head in my hands trying to hide myself from the catastrophe planted in front of me.
‘Maybe this is for the best.’<br> Immediately I spring up, mouth open to protest but the look she casts me with her eyes makes me remain silent.
‘I’m not ready for this baby Orlando. I’m not ready for the responsibilities of a single mother and everything that comes with it. I want to appreciate my child and cherish its life to the full. I can’t have that now. One day, yes I want children, but with someone I love and I know wants it too. Can’t you understand?’<br> Being shadowed with so many time-consuming emotions means that I am forced to say nothing. I want to, but there seems to be no room for me to speak with all the other occupations provoking my senses. I just nod.
‘My appointment at the abortion clinic is on the 21st.’ Sam says, standing up ready to leave. I follow suit. ‘I would love it if you could be there, I need a reassuring face.’<br> Taking note of my blank expression her hope falls.
‘If you do decide to come, I’m leaving at eleven.’<br> By now we have reached the front door and Sam opens it quickly, letting the harsh gust whistle through my hair. The gaze I hold with the scenery outside does not stray and I only feel the light kiss on my cheek before Sam has disappeared from view.
Before I even reach the living room, the slam of the door sounds once again and Kate bustles towards me with around a thousand grocery bags.
‘Hello darling,’ she says cheerfully. ‘I just saw Sam, did she pop over for a visit?’<br> Struggling to take some bags off her I nod lifelessly, trying to push the events of this afternoon to the back of my mind.
‘She didn’t look too great, and on that matter neither do you. Did you two have a fight?’<br> Placing the bags carelessly on the kitchen floor I shake my head not to convincingly.
‘Not really.’<br> Even though I am not facing her I can almost see the unbelieving glance she sends to me. Yet she doesn’t comment, just starts to unpack the shopping with incredible haste. I do the same, enjoying the silence of voices for a couple of minutes. I start piling tins into the top cupboard whilst Kate buries her head in the fridge.
‘Wasn’t it funny bumping into Keira and Jamie yesterday?’ Kate suddenly says taking me by the utmost surprise. ‘It was nice to see them, I was thinking we could invite them over for dinner tomorrow night.’<br> It is only now that I realise that there must be a God because He made my discomfort much easier to hide with my face hidden in a cupboard.
‘Really?’
‘Yes really, Orlando. What do you take me for?’<br> I emerge from my hiding place to see her sarcastic face and the gleam in the eye that sparkles with camouflaged laughter.
‘Anyway, I would have thought you and Keira would like to catch up, you haven’t seen her in ages.’<br> I swallow nervously, giving a quick shrug of the shoulders as I scratch the back of my neck with no excitement at the prospect at all. Seeing her fallen face at my view of the idea, I sigh, maybe a little too loudly.
‘Look love, do what you want, invite them if you like.’<br> ‘Don’t you want them over?’ She asks distressingly.
Inside I groan, absolutely appalled at the fact this day seemed to be growing worse and worse by the second. Every inch of my body wanted to just scream a hoarse no until she will leave me alone, but in the world I am living in I am refrained from doing so. I squeeze my eyes shut, loving the tumbling creation of swirling darkness.
‘Yes, love.’ I breathe, finally letting my eyelids flickering open. ‘I would like them to come over.’<br> ‘Good.’ She replies in satisfaction, applying her attention back to piling things in the refrigerator. ‘I’ll give them a call later.’<br>
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Post by Reens on Jan 10, 2005 3:30:44 GMT -5
Whoa. I missed two updates. Alright 'there HAS TO BE more Keira/Orli' interaction. Can I have another order of O/K fun? Thank you.
Updates are good. I didn't find anything editable in there. G'Job
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Post by Jems on Jan 10, 2005 11:35:27 GMT -5
more orli keira interaction? You got it in the next chapter! I'll send it to you when its done if thats still ok?
Aww missed you so much!
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Post by Reens on Jan 10, 2005 16:00:40 GMT -5
Of course Jem! I'd be honored. Send it fast *gasp* Need more O/K lovin' soon.
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Post by Jems on Jan 22, 2005 18:01:42 GMT -5
A/N: The next two chaps are for MJ because she updated her fic for me Chapter 6:Keira's POV Friday 20th December 4:51 pm All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world We twist and turn where angels burn Like fallen soldiers we will learn Once forgotten, twice removed Love will be the death... The death of you Humming a graceful string of harmony, I settle a basket full of dirty washing onto the stone tiles that layer the entire kitchen floor. Dropping onto my knees, I start to load the clothes into the washing machine. The scattering shriek of the telephone ringing interrupts my melody and I roll my eyes, preparing to answer it, expiring with a gentle sigh. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get it!’ I hear the scratchy scuffle, as Jamie becomes active and the sudden stillness of the air as the television is put on mute. I smile, noticing the patter of raindrops knocking upon the nearby windowpane. Continuing to stuff the last remaining clothes into the machine, my gaze turns to the painted grey sky with thundering clouds. In the depths of the dreary dullness stands a gleaming light, battling its way through the binding fog in order to reach its arms of warmth to the land. Becoming aware of the icy shiver clawing down my back, I button up my jacket, sitting myself beside the fire. Muscles relax as glowing sparks light up my face in rays of colours. Just as I am snuggling comfortably into the pores of the sofa, Jamie hangs up the phone with an entertained look cast upon his face. ‘Who was it?’ I ask curiously accepting his wish to pull me over to sit on his lap. Looking up at me, he absent-mindedly brings a hand up to wipe the stray hairs that have cheekily crept their way over my eyes to reduce sight. Although he has not said a word, the happiness he holds has weaved its way into my awareness. ‘Was it my mum?’ I think aloud without realising it, jumping startled when he replies my query. ‘Actually, it was Kate.’ I stare at him, a blank look occupying my expression as I wonder who the hell he is talking about. ‘Kate Bosworth.’ Recognition hits me with a start. ‘Her and Orlando have invited us over for dinner tonight.’<br> ‘Oh,’ I croak after a long pause. Silence. The steady bang of my heart thumping against my chest is all I become accustomed too. I gulp; almost certain Jamie can hear it too. ‘Wh-What did you say?’<br> ‘That it would be fine,’ he replies with absolutely no hesitation. ‘It will be nice to go out and see some friends.’<br> My jaw literally hits the floor with a splintering crack. I study his face, struggling to remain calm. Waiting for a sly grin to tug at the corners of his mouth telling me he’s joking. Nothing. He’s serious. sh*t. He continues to smile at me, oblivious to the tragedy waiting to reveal itself so willingly. By now I have slid off his lap, hitting the fat cushions with a thump as I flop onto my back. Jamie eventually notices my discomfort after life threatening moments. ‘What’s wrong, don’t you want to go? I thought it would be nice.’<br> That hint of disappointment rings in his tone making me feel immediately guilty. His facial scene is one of bewilderment, nose scrunched up as a sign of begging me to explain. I can see in the look he sends me that he reads something isn’t right. He wants me to uncover my reason. I can’t. Pasting on a false smile I force my eyes to sparkle with a sudden keen nature. Sidling over to his side, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his head down for a kiss. When our lips disconnect, my forehead rests pleasantly against his, fingertips tracing the hem of the shirt he is wearing. ‘What time are we going?’ I ask breathlessly, ignoring the plummeting feeling settling inside my body. He murmurs a groan as I slide my hands up over a bare chest, feeling the toned stomach. Digging his head into the crook of my neck, he begins to plant soft kisses on my shoulder. ‘We should leave at half five,’ he mutters in between endearment. ‘But if we carry on like this, we may as well not go.’<br> Snapping my head round to face the clock with a mischievous grin, I repress a moan as he touches the weak spot on my neck. Tearing away unwillingly, I stand up shaking slightly. I can’t even tell myself whether the trembling is due to the effect of Jamie, or the horror building up inside me, as time looms nearer. ‘I better go and get changed then.’<br> I manage a small curve of the lips before disappearing into the bedroom, frantically panicking over the situation I am involved in. Only half an hour passes until I confront the oak wood of their door. The air is past chilly, threatening to attack and I can’t help but wonder if it would be best to stay out here and die of the cold then go inside. My eyes trace the rise of the cloudy steam of our breath as it floats up towards the shimmering stars. The rain has finally stopped and only the occasional tear slithers away from the velvet lining. The sound of the door lock turning grabs my attention, but it’s only when the voice sounds that my head jerks round. ‘Jamie! Keira! It’s so nice to see you again.’<br> Kate has enveloped me into a warm hug before I even have space to acknowledge what is happening. All I think is what I promised myself…to smile. So I do, returning the hug sweetly and asking how she is with so much interest thrown into my tone, I nearly fool myself. As she answers, I can see another figure out of the corner of my eye, dressed in blue jeans and a black shirt. Orlando. ‘Come on in, it’s so cold outside!’ Kate exclaims. I step into the house without further encouragement, smile still stuck on my face. Jamie starts talking to Kate at once with comfortable ease and I am left alone, eyes scanning around the hall for something to do, anything to do except look at him. ‘Can I take your coat?’<br> That voice. The sound that is so gentle and wringing in countless nervous jitters. He is covering it up well, yet I can see right through him. Those orbs that I cannot yet see are searching every single part of me, untangling my shield of confidence protecting my true emotions. I bring myself to finally face him, smile wiping of my face in a matter of seconds. He’s staring at me. Innocently. Those wide, brown, puppy dog eyes shovelling into my sadness without a second of neither interruption nor hesitation. I slide off my coat, handing it to him slowly, line of gaze not breaking until Orlando realises his neglect to Jamie, and takes his jacket as well. ‘So how have you been?’ A light touch of the arm makes my attention turn elsewhere. Again, I smile, shrugging as me and Kate begin to walk down the corridor. ‘Ok actually, I’m trying to make the most of the time I have here until I start filming again.’ Kate nods knowingly. ‘When do you start?’<br> ‘10th of January.’ I reply as we walk into what appears to be the living room. Noticing the grimace Kate pulls I laugh, suddenly aware of how the date is drawing nearer and nearer. ‘I know, it’s really soon isn’t it?’<br> She nods, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears revealing beautiful features. Gesturing for me to make myself at home, I settle into a leather couch. Jamie and Orlando’s voices waft into the room only seconds before their bodies accompany the sound. Jamie seats himself beside me; arm draped casually over the back, most likely without even realising it immediately makes me feel safer. That is, until Kate offers us drinks, in which I start to stand to help her. Jamie beats me to it, politely speaking aloud before me and soon disappearing into the kitchen after Kate. And I’m alone. Unprotected. Isolated with the only person I wish to be on the other side of the world from. Frantically, I struggle not to squirm in the uneasy silence, which itches to be broken. I will not pierce it. I won’t stab it so cruelly against its will. Yet deep down I know the only will that is to be broken is mine.
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Post by Jems on Jan 22, 2005 18:01:56 GMT -5
‘Are you feeling ok?’<br> Swallowing thickly I lift my head to observe him. Head starting to thump dangerously, noting the stress I am feeling from just being here. As I inspect his frame I see something other then twisting nerves. Something hidden. Something bothering him beyond belief and having me here is just adding to the piles of disasters commencing in his life. He’s troubled.
‘Not much better, but thank you.’ I barely say, the words a whisper although they were supposed to flow out with at least a tint of confidence. I don’t dare tell him that I have thrown up five times in the last two days.
Soundless on goings occur as we both shift uncomfortably. I find myself haunted by that emotion swimming in his eyes. He’s one of those people who tell everything they are feeling in just one look. He doesn’t mean it. If anything he tries to prevent it, but he rarely succeeds.
‘Are you?’<br> Not expecting to hear my voice push the conversation further, he has a hard time attempting to hide his surprise
‘Sorry?’<br> ‘Are you feeling ok?’<br> He stares at me for so long after I ask that question. Almost expressionless, but not quite enough to cover that lingering pain of sadness. Yet he recovers well. Hides his troubles. Lies.
‘Yes, yes I’m fine.’<br> I don’t believe him.
His head has hung low, so I can know longer see the worried look seeping across his face accompanied with a frown.
‘Either way,’ I begin to add, my tone dropping to one of soft and sad nature. ‘I’m sorry for laying further troubles on you.’<br> That illness. That pounding of the head grows worse as it booms in warning. In taking a sharp breath, my hands slide to my head. He’s watching me. Concerned. He starts to get up but stops as Jamie and Kate bustle in, carrying four glasses of wine. He pretends nothing has happened. Pretends we have endured ourselves in a nice, friendly chat. We both know it’s not true. We both smile. Because we must.
As the evening goes on, that stabbing nag in my forehead refuses to subside. I feel weak and frail, even though I made myself eat more then I usually would in hope the energy will give me a boost. We are at the table now, empty plates that had once been full in front of us. Jamie is on my left; Kate to the right. Laughter fills the dim lit room with ease, seeping through every inch of the area with satisfaction. Although I am happy with the seating, I realise that it would have been far better if Orlando had been seated next to me, that way; it would be far easier to avoid eye contact. I attempt not to raise my gaze half the time, yet it’s impossible. As soon as I do, he snatches it up within an instant, eyes burning through my own, making the growing pain nestled inside my body just grow worse and worse.
Excusing myself to the bathroom I stand stationary for a moment until I steady and stop wobbling dangerously. I know I have consumed too much alcohol, along with everyone else. My body is reacting slower, but that sudden, familiar flow of sickness from the past two days rushing up my throat makes me flee to the bathroom without further hesitation. My stomach lurches, preparing to throw up but nothing comes. I jerk again and empty my stomach grotesquely into the white bowl. Groaning feebly, I slide onto the floor beside the toilet, curled into a ball, rocking gently back and forth. Maybe then the pain will go away.
Footsteps. I can hear someone approaching and it’s only then that I realise I have been gone for at least fifteen minutes. A voice. Kate’s voice. I am aware of her state of shock as she hurries over to me, observing my forlorn eyes for a second before calling Jamie. I attempt to stand, but all I see for seconds is the room swirling and spinning at the most frantic speed. Then my eyes rest on a body that wasn’t present before. Orlando’s, who stands beside Jamie, faces both wringing with worry. Jamie rushes over and manages to hold me upright, continually asking what’s wrong. I know I can speak if I wish to, but that vulnerable weakness inside has suddenly become worse then before. The walls stop turning madly. My eyes remain transfixed on Orlando’s. Those innocent orbs. Always so pure. Too pure. I release a small whimper, hands clutching my stomach once more. I’m aware of the tears flowing down my cheeks in a river of confusion, waiting for those gentle words of reassurance, those warm hands. It’s then that I realise I can’t hear anything, not even the loud thump of my fragile body coming into contact with the hard floor. I can only suffice one last whispering cry, Jamie dropping onto his knees beside me, as I fall into the tumbling darkness of a cold faint.
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Post by Jems on Jan 22, 2005 18:06:21 GMT -5
Chapter 7: Orlando's POV Saturday 21st December 2004 2:30 amAnd time goes by so slowly the nights are cold and lonely I shouldn’t be holding on but I’m still holding on for you The moonlight pours through the slit in the curtain like a secret whispering it’s way into an unwanted ear. I lie flat on my back, staring at that radiating beam of gleaming light creeping over shadowing silhouettes. The night is deep and meaningful at this hour, not a noise thrusts into the stillness, ruining its imagery. Kate sleeps beside me, hair fanning out on the pillow. She looks like a goddess. Absolutely beautiful. But she is not on my mind. Big, wide doe eyes haunt me. They have scarred so deep in my memory that when I close my eyelids they just become more vivid and real. They make my soul of guilt twist restlessly. The panic in her eyes. The long for comfort. And all I could do was stand there, hooked in the trance of that gaze, not able to say or do anything. I had watched as Jamie brought her to, picking her delicate body into his arms, walking her into the room Kate showed him as he lay her down on the bed. Her complexion had been so pale, so ghostly that my heart hammered so fast against my chest I thought it would exhaust itself and stop working. Tears of scorching pain still burned their way into her skin and she had just buried a head into the depths of Jamie’s chest as she sobbed and sobbed. Only comforting words filled the room when I sat down on a chair, head in hands. Kate had rummaged around, collecting extra blankets, bowls and medicine. It is all so traumatic when replaying over in my mind and makes me feel dreadfully ill. I sigh heavily, trying to disappear some of the anger for my actions through exhalation. Shrugging off the feathered duvet, I get out of bed, slipping on a dressing gown whilst combing fingers through unruly curls. Creeping down the corridor as quietly as possible, I walk into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the light whilst getting a glass of water. ‘Couldn’t sleep either?’<br> I jump; nearly choking on the water I had allowed to trickle icily down my throat. Spinning round I see Jamie, arm leaning against the doorframe leading to the living room. I manage a weak smile and shake of the head in reply after I stop choking, only partially hiding the troubled emotion that lies so thickly in my brain. I watch Jamie as he sits down at the wooden table heavily, obviously exhausted, propping up his head with an arm. ‘How is she?’ I ask with more tender concern then I wish. He looks up at me with that worried expression holding the entire area of his face. ‘Not so good,’ he croaks. ‘She’s sleeping now, but when I tried to leave earlier she noticed and grabbed hold of me so quickly I didn’t dare leave.’<br> I nod. I don’t know what else to do. ‘I just- ’ Jamie stops halfway through his sentence, clutching at the short bristles of hair on his head in frustration. ‘I felt so helpless, you know? I knew she had been ill, kept being sick in the mornings. She didn’t want to come tonight and I ignored her completely.’<br> I avert my eyes quickly to study my twiddling thumbs, knowing it was most probably not her illness that made her not want to come. I do not let on to Jamie. He cannot know. Yet deep down I realise he should not be blaming himself for something that is not truly his fault. ‘I was so scared seeing her like that. So helpless. I guess-’ Jamie pauses to release a small sigh. ‘-I guess it made me realise how much I really love her.’<br> I stare at him for so long I find him gazing back with a clueless look set in his dull eyes. I shake myself free of occupying thoughts I had once maintained and ask him if he would like anything to drink. With his shake of the head I move to sit opposite him, releasing a yawn as lack of sleep overwhelms me. We remain silent in the dark for some time, letting consuming emotions slash their way through tough material of weights. It’s a couple of minutes before Jamie speaks again. ‘I’m sorry for troubling you with this.’<br> I am instantly flying through astoundment at the sincere tone of his apology. Not once had I even considered them being here a problem. ‘Don’t apologise.’ I say quickly, ‘It’s not a worry at all.’<br> He looks at me with tiredness hanging in the depths of his pupils and nods gratefully. Glancing at the clock he stands, announcing he should head off to bed to see to Keira. I bid him goodnight and only when his frame disappears do I let out a small cry of frustration under the hiss of my breath. Complications are forcing me into a cloud foggy mist that I cannot escape from. Sam’s abortion appointment looms nearer and my opinion on the matter is still left hanging in the air with utter confusion. By the time I retire to my bed, my problems are left unsolved. Even then I can hardly drift off, tossing and turning so many times in the end I awake Kate. She shifts over to my side, immediately curling into my body and squeezing me tight. I know she senses my discomfort even though she has no understanding of the matter. Her hands caress through my hair, wondering down to stroke the skin of my face. Eyelids flutter close with relaxation and after a while I become lost in the rhythmic sensation of her fingers. The image of those round, doe eyes fade away with time as I wonder into a well-needed slumber.
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Post by Jems on Jan 22, 2005 18:06:37 GMT -5
When sunshine replaces the moonlight glare, I stir uncomfortably as I wake. Looking around, I find an empty bed and the clattering springing to my ears tells me Kate is up and about. It takes ages until my body registers why I am so tired. As soon as my memory refreshes the haunted happenings of the day before in my mind, those eyes are instantly back. Staring. Helpless. Shouting for me to do something. But most of all they are painful. Straining from attempting to hold back so many events that should not have occurred. I play a part in that event. I’m the only person who knows the pure emotion of guilt in her eyes, for I am experiencing it myself. Yet we both know it cannot be revealed. Too much is to be lost. So we must endure the torturous days that lie ahead of us as we wade in our own punishment that is secrecy.
‘Oh good, you’re up.’ Kate says as she flusters into the room, continuing to talk. ‘I need to pop out to get Keira some painkillers. Jamie had to go out for a while for a meeting but should be back in an hour or so. Can you check in on Keira now and again?’<br> She speaks so fast, I only just find myself just clinging onto the words she feeds, let alone taking them in. I manage a nod before she plants a hurried kiss on my cheek in thank you and disappears. Once hearing the front door slam I groan loudly, glancing at the clock. It’s only half past eight. Rubbing my eyes free of sleep, I slip on my dressing gown aware that Keira will not probably be too happy seeing me in just boxers. Before retreating to the spare room where she is situated, I wonder into the bathroom. Fiddling with the taps, I splash freezing cold liquid onto my face and then glance into the mirror at my reflection. My hair is messy due to the front curls managing to hang over my face whilst I washed and now stick to my skin, dripping wet. Blood shot eyes from lack of sleep peer back at me. It’s now that I remember exactly why mirrors should not be used first thing in the morning.
Holding breath moments later, I peer into the spare room only to find the bed empty, sheets tangled and covers thrown back untidily. It’s only when I hear the constant retching that I understand why. As soon as I see her hunched figure looming over the toilet rim, I rush over, pulling back her hair that was dangerously slipping from her grasp. My other hand finds its way to her back, unconsciously rubbing up and down in a soothing manner waiting until she has finished. When her body stops heaving I am already aware of the whimpering sobs. Gently, I pull up her limp body until she rests on her feet, but as her legs quiver uncontrollably, she leans her weight on me, tears shedding on my shoulder. After a while, I cup her face in my hands, studying her traumatised condition.
‘Oh Keira,’ I breathe sadly.
She does nothing but stare back, motionless. I search for some kind of telling in her eyes…anything, and just as I dig deep enough into the content, she breaks away, realising my intention. There is an awkward silence. A quiet moment in which we are both reduced to the only sound of our own breath. I catch her sudden glance, snapping it up at the chance, only to watch the gradual build up of watery content rimming her eyelids.
‘Please don’t cry.’ I find myself begging, knowing that if she carries on like this I may not be able to hold back my own tears. There is something so disturbing about seeing her like this; as if I have turned her into this trembling form.
I can see by the way she stands that no intention is made of moving. She appears to be rooted to the spot. No protest is put forward as I fragilely place her in my arms, carrying her towards the bed. Fists curl at my chest, face buried deep, most likely to attempt to cover the fresh droplets seeping down her pale cheeks. As I gently lay her down, her grip does not loosen and she stays clutched to my body. I sense she needs this… needs this comfort and I do not incline to pull away. Emotions of similarity can be shared with me and understood although no words are spared. I feel my senses seep into her skin as do hers and I am suddenly aware of everything she is feeling. I tighten the hold dramatically as I experience the flooding of awareness kick into my body. And then it’s gone, draining out of me like the swirling of water throwing itself down the depths of the plughole. It’s vanished. Evaporated from the pores of my skin. Gone. And the familiarity of no longer knowing her creeps back unwillingly.
Her arms slide away and I am constantly wondering if she has just experienced what I have. That pained expression is back, eyebrows knotted together in discomfort. The funny butterfly motion inside lets me realise those precious seconds were most probably one of the most genuine of my life. I begin to stand, but a hand darts out to touch mine as fast as lightening as soon as she realises my intention, begging me not to leave her alone.
‘I’ll be back in a minute.’<br> My words must have reassured her in some way that I was being truthful, for she lets go of my hand hesitantly. As promised I return without delay, carrying a glass of water in my hand. She takes one look at me before shaking her head, rolling onto her front in protest.
‘Love, you need to drink this.’ I say softly, propping her up against the cushioned headboard.
Gingerly she takes it from me, slender fingers curling around the cylinder glass. Taking a sip, she hardly swallows any liquid before giving up.
‘I’m not thirsty.’<br> ‘I know, but if you don’t you’re going to get dehydrated.’<br> Understanding I am not going to let her be she continues to drink slowly, as I lever myself down onto a wicker chair beside the bed. While she does as I have asked, I become lost deep in thought. Eye line remains fixed on the clock, watching the steady hands count away the seconds of my life…observing how many minutes are left until Sam’s appointment. As I forget where I am, I realise that informing someone who is now more or less a stranger to me of the situation I am in, is the perfect opportunity.
‘Do you believe in abortion?’ I blurt out, startling Keira so much, the now empty glass slips from her hands.
She studies my face for a long time before looking down and staring at the blanket draped over her body.
‘I’m not pregnant, Orlando.’ Her voice is quiet; almost ashamed I may have formed the idea that she is.
‘No-I kno-I know you aren’t.’ I say hurriedly which results in a raised eyebrow in my direction. ‘But do you think it’s right?’<br> ‘Personally?’ She asks, her tone tired and rusty as she falls back onto the bed gently, hugging her knees to her chest. She reminds me of a little girl. When I nod she carries on.
‘Personally, I think it is wrong, but I can understand why people do it. My friend recently had an abortion and although I didn’t approve I supported her because she needed me.’
She looks at me intently now with a small shrug, willing me to explain, but never will her voice betray her and ask. I wonder if she believes Kate may be pregnant. The thought makes my head hurt. I’m not ready for a child and it’s then that I realise that Sam isn’t either. I understand. The door bangs and I spring to my feet, aware of what I need to do. Kate walks in breezily, waggling a pack of painkillers at Keira who manages a weak smile. A sad smile. When I try to connect an understanding with her eyes I fail, that dreaded emotion swooping back into my body so brutally, I lose all other feelings. I turn to look at Keira once Kate disappears from sight. Eyes are closed in a more peaceful manner now she has taken some form of medicine. I dither on the spot for a while before taking myself by the utmost surprise and placing the softest of kisses on her cheek. Her skin is warm, making my lips tingle sensually and I shudder from the shiver escaping down my spine. She does not move. I do not know if it is because she is already drifting in a slumber or whether she chooses to ignore it. I do not move but remain at her level for quite some time, yet once I straighten up, that odd tension kicks back into the air again, hanging thick and dangerously like a strangling smog. There is no way to erase it. The moment before is lost.
I manage to arrive at my old home just as Sam is getting into her own car. Beeping wildly to catch her attention, I lean over to the passenger’s side, pushing open the door. I am aware of the absolute surprise hanging in her expression but she does nothing but stare as she slips in beside me. I look at her. She is nervous. Hands are wringing continuously in her lap and lips are set in a thin line.
‘You came.’ She says quietly, shock still present in her features as she connects in my gaze.
‘Of course.’ I say matter-of-factly, pretending not the slightest thought has gone into consideration at my presence. But then my voice turns serious and my hand stops her own from wrestling each other cruelly, by slipping one of mine in between them.
‘I would never let you do this alone.’<br> And for the first time that I have seen her in a year, she smiles. A true smile. One full of gratitude and hope. And for once…for once in a very long time, the light in that smile actually reaches her eyes. She is content.
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Post by OrliKeiraluva on Jan 23, 2005 14:50:32 GMT -5
great update! more soon pleeeaazzzee!! ;D
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Post by venus567 on Jan 23, 2005 17:57:32 GMT -5
yes I have been reading this on writer's mind, where my sn is Saturn567. It's totally great! There's lots you can do as there is the mystery of what is exactly ailing Keira.
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Post by Reens on Jan 26, 2005 2:38:57 GMT -5
That was an awesome chapter. *sniffles* And yes, I cried.
Dammit Jemma, if I dont find out what went on last xmas I am going to have a friggin heart attack! Just warning... You don't wanna be without a beta again, do ya?
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Post by OrliKeiraluva on Jan 27, 2005 8:46:36 GMT -5
That was an awesome chapter. *sniffles* And yes, I cried. Dammit Jemma, if I dont find out what went on last xmas I am going to have a friggin heart attack! Just warning... Ditto! Pleeeaazze update or I'll cry! Now that I'm done writing my fic, I have nothing to do! I is being bored to uteer boredomness...
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Post by Jems on Jan 27, 2005 13:16:45 GMT -5
I love your fic Chapter should be up tonight, but it won't be beta read. I'm going away to Amsterdam tomorrow, so yeh, you better have updated Be mine by the time I get back on Monday ;D Thank renee honey, Your amazing.
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Post by OrliKeiraluva on Jan 31, 2005 10:57:48 GMT -5
aaaaaaa!! im dying of suspense here! *pout*
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