Post by potcgrrl on Aug 5, 2007 21:23:02 GMT -5
*tip-toes in*
Hi! This is my first piece of creative writing in English. I obviously have no hopes of winning, but I'd love to hear your feedback, especially on any grammatical mistakes, which part didn't work for you, or if the whole style plain sucks. Feel free to PM me if you'd like, but please don’t hold back.
Thank you all for inspiring me to finally put my pen to the paper (so to speak).
Title: (For) All We Know
Rating: G (I think)
Archive: Not worth anybody's while
Credit: In addition to some lyrics of the titled song, I have also borrowed two lines from Neruda. They are all highlighted via italic in the text. Click on them to see the full lyrics/text of the songs/poems.
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. I make this stuff up as I go along to amuse myself and bore a few folks on this board. Didn't make any money from this, don't intend to, have no hopes to, and frankly think there are better ways to make money. Sooooo, that's just a long-winded way to say ... DON'T SUE.
Note: For reasons obvious to the brave souls who venture to read this piece, I cannot write my way out of any proper plot or dialogue. So this is pretty much two postcards strung together via two songs with similar titles, each reflecting a different time and POV. That’s my lazy way of doing the who/what/when/why/how. Apologies if the style is a bit weird.
January 2007
Radiant sunset rolling on the water, the sea glitters in molten gold, quick silver, lapis lazuli, and aquamarine. He watches from his balcony, remembering a sunset not much different from this in another time and place.
It was more than four years ago. There he was at near sundown, atop the embattlement of a makeshift fortress, feeling quite ridiculous in a silly hat with an even sillier plume, when there came upon him a vision of loveliness in rose and ivory. Her. I remembered you with my soul clenched, he inhales sharply, as a familiar pang seizes him whenever she springs to mind unbidden.
She was then flush in the bloom of youth at seventeen, all lithe figure and coltish grace. Sunlight flared through her caramel tresses, sprinkling the highlights with dust of gold. In a voluminous, swishing gown, her waist seemed so tiny that he was half-expecting to span it in one hand. He grinned at her approach, and watched an answering smile spreading like a butterfly from her pouty lips.
Back then, the two of them were filming the first of their shared scenes, a kiss. Yesterday at sunset, they filmed another kiss scene; it is to be their last scene together in this trilogy of films. During the interim, the love and lives of their onscreen alter-egos have endured fire and damnation. The fairytale promised by that first kiss proved to be elusive, and their life together became a constant struggle of choices and consequences. Yet there was also salvation – the faith in their true love, as encapsulated in that last kiss.
Off screen, their personal relationship has come full circle back to friends-only. But he now yearns for more. On the dark days when melancholy overcomes him, he imagines he hates her. Hates her for awaking a thirst in his soul that she alone could quench. Then he remembers how it felt to hold the world in his hands. Remembers the unshed tears in her hazel depth when he decided to be sensible, to end their brief affair. Now that she is long lost to him, he knows sensible is vastly overrated for a man going thirsty for the rest of his days.
How much life imitates art, and art, life, he muses as he reflects upon the irony that a chapter of his life was opened and closed, in more ways than one, with practically the same scene. Reaching a professional and personal milestone has made him reevaluate his choices and their consequences. He used to think life was simply following a path that had been mapped out for him, but now he thinks it is more than that.
He is a much different man now, so he is going to make some different choices. The ones whose consequences matter. The ones not so sensible. Perhaps, and just perhaps, faith will see him through.
Cause all we know is falling, it falls
Remember, cause I know that we won’t forget at all
– Paramore, “All We Know”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
June 2010
Whistles and catcalls pull her back into this world, reminding her where they are and, more pressingly, that they are not alone. He pulls back from her to look across the beach, towards their guests gathered at a respectable twenty paces away.
His cutaway is now off, his ascot undone, leaving its wide ends dangle on either side of the open collar. She lets her gaze travel, pass the tantalizing glimpse of tan at the base of his neck, to settle on the chiseled profile that she knows so well. Light breezes already teased loose a few wisps of rich brown curls that now ruffling around his ears, setting off a face brimming of all joys.
She will know that smile from anywhere. It puts her at ease, sends butterflies to her stomach, and fills her soul like summer in a golden church. She still remembers being dazzled by it at seventeen. In the seven and half years since then, they have been colleagues, friends, lovers; friends once more, then lovers again. And, as of today, they are much, much more.
Seven years. A lifetime. She was practically a girl back then, but is now a woman fully grown. She has loved, lost, and regained. She has known unadulterated joy, abject misery, and everything in between. In the end, she learns the compass of her heart’s desire has always pointed one way; it was the youthful whim and pride that once swung the needle all over the place. In the end, she finds herself back with him, now a man matured from the boy she loved and once lost.
With him, she also learns the meaning of faith. They are both high-maintenance people, and each used to getting their own way. They are also both busy professionals, trying to sustain an often long-distance relationship. There are times when she is so desperately unhappy that she considers giving up. But she knows, if she does, she will regret it for the rest of her life. She knows, in her heart, he is the only one for her.
He is looking at her now, the warm chocolate of his eyes reflecting her happiness. Her left-hand reaches up, gently brushes back those stray curls, the new ring on her finger gliding across his skin. Love, what a long way, to arrive at a kiss, she thinks. Yet he must have read her thought, for a tender light comes into his eyes as he gathers her close. His gaze caresses a leisurely path to find her lips, long lashes fanning his cheekbones. She leans up to meet his lips half way, eyes flutter shut, only vaguely aware of being photographed, but soon too lost in the kiss to give heed.
Cameras flash. Cheers once more drown out the crackling sea. Light wrapping clouds above, the sky is aflame with glorious sunset.
And love may grow
For all we know
– Carpenter, “For All We Know”
-- Fin
*runs off and hides*
Hi! This is my first piece of creative writing in English. I obviously have no hopes of winning, but I'd love to hear your feedback, especially on any grammatical mistakes, which part didn't work for you, or if the whole style plain sucks. Feel free to PM me if you'd like, but please don’t hold back.
Thank you all for inspiring me to finally put my pen to the paper (so to speak).
Title: (For) All We Know
Rating: G (I think)
Archive: Not worth anybody's while
Credit: In addition to some lyrics of the titled song, I have also borrowed two lines from Neruda. They are all highlighted via italic in the text. Click on them to see the full lyrics/text of the songs/poems.
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. I make this stuff up as I go along to amuse myself and bore a few folks on this board. Didn't make any money from this, don't intend to, have no hopes to, and frankly think there are better ways to make money. Sooooo, that's just a long-winded way to say ... DON'T SUE.
Note: For reasons obvious to the brave souls who venture to read this piece, I cannot write my way out of any proper plot or dialogue. So this is pretty much two postcards strung together via two songs with similar titles, each reflecting a different time and POV. That’s my lazy way of doing the who/what/when/why/how. Apologies if the style is a bit weird.
(For) All We Know
January 2007
Radiant sunset rolling on the water, the sea glitters in molten gold, quick silver, lapis lazuli, and aquamarine. He watches from his balcony, remembering a sunset not much different from this in another time and place.
It was more than four years ago. There he was at near sundown, atop the embattlement of a makeshift fortress, feeling quite ridiculous in a silly hat with an even sillier plume, when there came upon him a vision of loveliness in rose and ivory. Her. I remembered you with my soul clenched, he inhales sharply, as a familiar pang seizes him whenever she springs to mind unbidden.
She was then flush in the bloom of youth at seventeen, all lithe figure and coltish grace. Sunlight flared through her caramel tresses, sprinkling the highlights with dust of gold. In a voluminous, swishing gown, her waist seemed so tiny that he was half-expecting to span it in one hand. He grinned at her approach, and watched an answering smile spreading like a butterfly from her pouty lips.
Back then, the two of them were filming the first of their shared scenes, a kiss. Yesterday at sunset, they filmed another kiss scene; it is to be their last scene together in this trilogy of films. During the interim, the love and lives of their onscreen alter-egos have endured fire and damnation. The fairytale promised by that first kiss proved to be elusive, and their life together became a constant struggle of choices and consequences. Yet there was also salvation – the faith in their true love, as encapsulated in that last kiss.
Off screen, their personal relationship has come full circle back to friends-only. But he now yearns for more. On the dark days when melancholy overcomes him, he imagines he hates her. Hates her for awaking a thirst in his soul that she alone could quench. Then he remembers how it felt to hold the world in his hands. Remembers the unshed tears in her hazel depth when he decided to be sensible, to end their brief affair. Now that she is long lost to him, he knows sensible is vastly overrated for a man going thirsty for the rest of his days.
How much life imitates art, and art, life, he muses as he reflects upon the irony that a chapter of his life was opened and closed, in more ways than one, with practically the same scene. Reaching a professional and personal milestone has made him reevaluate his choices and their consequences. He used to think life was simply following a path that had been mapped out for him, but now he thinks it is more than that.
He is a much different man now, so he is going to make some different choices. The ones whose consequences matter. The ones not so sensible. Perhaps, and just perhaps, faith will see him through.
Cause all we know is falling, it falls
Remember, cause I know that we won’t forget at all
– Paramore, “All We Know”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
June 2010
Whistles and catcalls pull her back into this world, reminding her where they are and, more pressingly, that they are not alone. He pulls back from her to look across the beach, towards their guests gathered at a respectable twenty paces away.
His cutaway is now off, his ascot undone, leaving its wide ends dangle on either side of the open collar. She lets her gaze travel, pass the tantalizing glimpse of tan at the base of his neck, to settle on the chiseled profile that she knows so well. Light breezes already teased loose a few wisps of rich brown curls that now ruffling around his ears, setting off a face brimming of all joys.
She will know that smile from anywhere. It puts her at ease, sends butterflies to her stomach, and fills her soul like summer in a golden church. She still remembers being dazzled by it at seventeen. In the seven and half years since then, they have been colleagues, friends, lovers; friends once more, then lovers again. And, as of today, they are much, much more.
Seven years. A lifetime. She was practically a girl back then, but is now a woman fully grown. She has loved, lost, and regained. She has known unadulterated joy, abject misery, and everything in between. In the end, she learns the compass of her heart’s desire has always pointed one way; it was the youthful whim and pride that once swung the needle all over the place. In the end, she finds herself back with him, now a man matured from the boy she loved and once lost.
With him, she also learns the meaning of faith. They are both high-maintenance people, and each used to getting their own way. They are also both busy professionals, trying to sustain an often long-distance relationship. There are times when she is so desperately unhappy that she considers giving up. But she knows, if she does, she will regret it for the rest of her life. She knows, in her heart, he is the only one for her.
He is looking at her now, the warm chocolate of his eyes reflecting her happiness. Her left-hand reaches up, gently brushes back those stray curls, the new ring on her finger gliding across his skin. Love, what a long way, to arrive at a kiss, she thinks. Yet he must have read her thought, for a tender light comes into his eyes as he gathers her close. His gaze caresses a leisurely path to find her lips, long lashes fanning his cheekbones. She leans up to meet his lips half way, eyes flutter shut, only vaguely aware of being photographed, but soon too lost in the kiss to give heed.
Cameras flash. Cheers once more drown out the crackling sea. Light wrapping clouds above, the sky is aflame with glorious sunset.
And love may grow
For all we know
– Carpenter, “For All We Know”
-- Fin
*runs off and hides*
