The We hate Rupert Friend Society (T.W.H.R.F.S)

[pottypirate]

OK the plot bunny in my head won't let me revise science so i m starting a new story ;D the title really speaks for its self. its another comedy fic so expect more weird and randomness enjoy


The We hate Rupert Friend Society (T.W.H.R.F.S)

Chapter 1 - I hate Him, I hate him, i hate him!


"Could that guy be anymore annoying" Orlando bloom yelled tugging at his brown curls "he makes me so ARHHHHH" his legs hit the edge of the bed and he fell onto the soft king size bed.

"mate i know how you feel" Johnny depp strolled into the room rubbing his temple followed by Jack davenport and Geoffrey rush "What is wrong with that guy anyway?" he snapped thumping his hand against the wooden table by the kitchen area of the apartment.

"He needs a good kick up the arse if you ask me" jack agreed dropping into a chair

"Don't tempt me" Geoffrey growled walking to the table and seating himself across from jack

Just at that moment a screeching laugh sounded down the corridor and into there ears.

"Shut the damn Door"Orlando yelled throwing a pillow over his head.

"The Laugh.... it burnssss" johnny cried dramatically before falling off his chair and rolling round on the floor screaming like a 4 year old.

Geoffry manged to make it to the door without his ears bleeding and kicked it shut making a rude gestered with his hand to the noise and its maker for polluting his ears.

"He has got to go" Orlando muttered taking the pillow of his head and walking over to johnny who was still screaming about burning. with one swift movement Orlando brought the pillow down on Johnny's head. He stopped screaming a looked at Orlando with a quivering lip

"that wasn't very nice" Orlando raised an eyebrow and hit him again with the pillow causing johnny to do a rolly polly backwards and hit his bum against the sofa.

"Ok children back to the point" Jack cleared his throat "as you have said" he gestured towards Orlando"Rupert has to go" all the men nodded even johnny who was on his knees rubbing his sore patch, while glaring at the back of Orlando's head."and i think i have a plan of how thats going to happen" Jack grinned

"pray do tell darling" Johnny smirked stumbling over to the table.

"We take away his reason"

"Keira" Orlando whispered

"The very same"

"ooo i like the sound of this"Johnny threw his arms round Orlando's neck to keep from falling over he was laughing so hard. Ignoring the fact Orlando was beating his arms with a magazine as oxygen was being cut off from his throat. he asked "What do you have in mind"

"A trade up, trade that annoy son of a bitch in for the real deal"

"Who" Orlando asked through gasps of air as he shock johnny off of him.

"You mate" Jack laughed "You've mean mad on each other for ages, and don't say you haven't, everyone can see it. and Keira won't be heartbroken if she gets you instead of... it" he shuddered at the last part. "we all up for this guys" he lay his hand in the middle of the table.

Orlando grinned "We get rid of Rupert and I get the girl of my dreams, i see no reason why not" He added his hand to the table.

"As long as i get to kick the git i m in" Geoffrey smiled placing his hand on top of the pile.

"Ahh well i suppose i should join, you'd get no where without Captain Jack Sparrow, plus i want that guy gone before he puts me in complete therapy" He placed his hand on the 3 others. they stood for a few minutes until jack asked

"Now what"

"I dunno you started it" Orlando replied smirking at jack's confusion

"well this isn't like they did in the movie"

"Movie! what movie?"

"never mind, Ahh yes now i remember we need a name for our society"

"Death to Friend" Geoffrey suggested

"Too bunt mate" Jack muttered rubbing his head "we need something simple like..."

"the We hate Rupert club" Orlando laughed

"Perfect, The We Hate Rupert Friend Society, T.W.H.R.F.S for short"

Johnny raised his hand a said sweetly "i have a question"

"what?" asked Orlando

"Can we have Badges and T- shirts and stuff,oh and get people to sign up"

"fine" Jack groaned as Johnny's face lit up."ok Johnny and Geoffrey your in charge of getting people to sign up and the merchandise" Johnny raised his hand to high 5 Geoffrey only to be given the Barbossa glare, so slowly lowered his hand. "Myself and Orly will Work on Miss Knightley and get her to admit her undying love. ready"

the 3 men nodded

"Then gentlemen that concludes the first meting of the T.W.H.R.F.S, lets get to work."




Ok tell me if its good enough to write another chapter about it. Thankies ;D

[designerdenimx3]

Hehe, I like it! Please update

[missendicott]

This is marvelous. Very entertaining! ^_^

[thankful24]

DUDE- this is amazing! can i sign up for it?!

[weandok4ever12]

haha. i wanna join too! hahaha. i love it so far, update sooon!

[daydreamer]

Cute! Can't wait for more. Can I get a badge too?

[xstepheezy]

Haha sounds like a good start to another great fan fic Can't wait to read more!

[pottypirate]

Yay thanks for the lovely reviews me dears they were much appreciated ;D well i ve just come back from my science exam. i feel asleep revising out side this morning so now i have sun burn. but i thought i would update for you. and yes anyone can join the club, someone really needs to make a club icon/avi/sig or something. i m rubbish at that stuff so don't ask me. ok on with the show.

Chapter 2 - Cheesy chat-up line showdown


The morning after the first club meeting Orlando and Jack were busy discussing there plan for Keira, while wandering down for breakfast hoping they could start the plan A.S.A.P.

It was Simple enough. Keira had already told Jack that she was basically in love with Orli a few weeks ago but she was afraid he would just want to be friends and nothing more. so the idea was to get Keira comfortable enough to tell Orlando the truth so he could persuade her to leave Rupert for him. Or if that didn't work . He could flirt with Keira openly in front of Rupert . if Rupert confronts her about it and see if she gets pissed with him again for messing with her life she might leave Rupert for him. so hopefully Keira will chuck him either way.

As they stepped into the Breakfast hall Jack wished Orlando good luck and went of the sit with Tom Hollander. Orlando scanned the room and found Keira sitting at the back table all on her lonesome looking thoroughly depressed while glancing through her menu. Smiling slightly as her clearly unbrushed hair fell across her face, he strolled over to her table.

"Room for one more" He asked

She glanced up and smiled as she saw who it was.

"of course Orli, take a seat"

"Why are you all on your own sweetheart" he asked concern echoing in his voice

"Rupert wasn't hungry, and i don't think anyone else will sit with me because of all that noise he made on the journey here." she mumbled looking back at her menu.

"Yeah that was an... interesting trip" Orli grinned grabbing a menu from the center of the table.

"Sorry"

"Don't you be sorry keira, don't be sorry for one minute about something he's done" He Lent around the table pulling her into a one armed hug, pulling away he gave her a quick peck on the cheek causing a light blush to creep up her cheek.

"Thanks Orli" she said trying to keep her face hidden with her menu so he couldn't see her blush. "shall we Order?"

"why not, Normal my dear" Orlando signaled to a waiter and rubbed his hands together.

"Why not, just like old times"

"Everything you have on you menu twice please" Orlando chimed to the waiter who had been working there since Orlando and Keira had first come to this hotel in the Caribbean. They were only there now as a treat from Disney. 3 weeks in the sun all expenses paid for their hard work.

Orlando glanced over a Jack who was laughing at Tom who was Trying to flirt with a waitress Orlando knew couldn't speech a word of English. He caught jacks eye and gave him the thumbs up before erupting in a fit of giggles as Tom continued to practice his wooing skills.

"whats so funny" Keira asked watching him shake in his chair with laughter. Regaining his sanity he told her what was happening.

"Tom is using those cheesy pick up lines on that waitress" he pointed a Toms now pleading figure. Keira giggled as Jack pulled Tom away begging the ladies forgiveness for his crazy friend.

"I bet i no worse Chat-up lines then that" she smirked

"Oh i bet i could do better" Orlando grinned starring at his fingernails as though it bored him

"I think thats a Challenge Mr Bloom" She turned to face him her eyes glistening with delight. Orlando looked straight into her eyes and whispered

"If you think your mind is dirty enough Knightley go for it"

"Ok let the battle begin" she cleared her throat her eyes never breaking contact with his "Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?"

Orlando Smirked "that was bad"

"less comments more lines Bloom, unless you give up already"

"you wish" Orlando crossed his arms on the table and balanced his head on his hands still looking into Keira's eyes."If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"

"I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?"

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

"Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes"

"aww"

"don't tell me these work" keira laughed

"we'll have to wait and see, won't we keira" he whisper her name sending shivers down her spine. "anyway my go,
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears"

"ok that is one weird ass chat-up line, anyway, I know milk does a body good, but DAMN...How much have you been drinking?"

"i hope that wasn't aimed at my calcium kid" She giggle and he went on "I just got this tan in Hawaii. Why don't you call me when you want some of this tan to rub off on you."

"When they made the alphabet they should have put U and I together"

"Do you know what'd look good on you? Me"

"ok ok i got the best one, listen to this a weep Bloom,I like maths. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?"

"Excuse me" exclaimed Rupert who was now standing behind Keira. Orlando had jammed his hand into his mouth to keep from laughing. Keira Lent against the back of her chair and looked up at Rupert who had started to go red now.

"Hi" she smiled sweetly

"I thought you were going to Breakfast"

"I am we ordered a while ago so we're just waiting"

"Waiting is normally in silence Keira" Getting fed up with Rupert's Rant Orlando decided now was a good time for open flirting and generally annoying the hell outta Rupert to see how red he can get.

"Now now ruppy we were only having a little fun" Orlando spoke sweetly looking up at Rupert smirking. he moved his hand on top of Keira's. his smirk got even bigger when she didn't remove her hand. Rupert noticed this and rounded on Keira.

"We were meant to be going to the beach, i was going to teach you how to surf" he moaned

Ignoring Rupert completely now Orlando faced Keira "What a coincidence me and the guys were going down to surf there too"

"really? you can help teach me then, please Orli" she gave him the big chocolate brown eye stare that no one could refuse.

"of course i will Keira it would be a pleasure" he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it genitally.Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rupert about to blow up

"We'll finish breakfast and we'll meet you down there ok?" Keira asked

"Fine" Rupert Growled lowering his head and giving her a rough kiss "love you" he called as he crossed the room. To Jack and Orli's delight she did not call back and as icing on the cake she kept her hand on Orlando's until the food came.

Today is gonna be fun Orlando thought.


Ok guys you know what to do read and comment ;D Thankies

[missendicott]

Haha!!! Loved it! I liked the pick up line part. Awesome!

[designerdenimx3]

This story is awesome! But are they still fliming Pirates? Update soon!!

[thankful24]

DUDE! i am loving this! keep the updates coming!

[pottypirate]

But are they still fliming Pirates?

nah, i put it in the story but i didn't really make it clear enough

They were only there now as a treat from Disney. 3 weeks in the sun all expenses paid for their hard work.

Disney basically are giving them a holiday to say thanks for making so much money for them. only the cast, Gore and Jerry are there so there will probably be an appearance from everyone

glad you guys like it i will post chapter 3 soonish.

[weandok4ever12]

haha, i love it! update sooooon!

[aliaschic04]

This is nice... update soon!! I can't wait!!

[pottypirate]

ok guys i was gonna update tomorrow but i just saw Orlando on Parkinson and got the urge to write my socks off. so here ya go ;D

Chapter 3 - Surfing Pirate Style

"How long does it take to put on a bikini" Jack moaned from his position on the floor outside Keira's hotel room. Orlando grinned at him as he bashed his head against the wall muttering. Johnny took it as his cue to start a sing along. Leaning on Keira's door he cleared his throat and started up with

"Why are we waiting?
Why cant we start bathing
Why are we waiting
Always so frustrating
Why are we waiting
We need rearranging
Why are we waiting"

Keira chose that exact moment to open the door sending Johnny tumbling past her.

"I thought i heared you lot waiting patiently" she grinned with a hand on her hip staring a jack who had only just noticed she had arrived and stopped banging his head.

"You ready?" Orlando asked grabbing his red surf board that had been made specially for him by the prop department embossed with a huge pirate skull on the underside for good luck Orlando supposed to scare sharks away.

"Yeah i m all set, but i haven't got a board"

"thats not a problem i went to the surf center and got you one, it should be perfect for you its suitable for your size and weight" He pointed down the wall to a blue board complete with black lilies embossed on the top and underside her favorite flower.

"ooo Orli its beautiful" she ran up and threw her whole body on him. luckily he was used to Keira's hugs so he caught her easily.

"het hum" Johnny coughed from keira's room "no one check to see if i alive then"

"You only fell through a door way you pansy" Geoffrey grumbled putting down his book and walking to the door way where jack joined him.

"But it was a life threating experience" Johnny whined as he saw he wasn't going to get any sympathy he crawled out of keira's room to his board.

"if you say so John" Jack grabbed his board and headed torwards the stairs with Geoffrey in tow who was yelling "PANSY" at johnny who's only retort was "am not"

Once the 3 stooges were gone Keira jumped off Orlando and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks for this, Rupert would of never of give me something like this" she walked back to the door and locked it stuffing the key into her duffel bag, she swung it on her shoulder

"you meant he won't give you something you want" Orlando smirked at her retreating figure as she went to grabbed her board

"Now i never said that" Keira grinned walking with him to the stairway. he turned and faced her looking into her eyes daring her to look away from him

"You didn't have to, its written in your eyes"

"How do you know so much about me , How do you always know how i feel? you know things that i have never mentioned to anyone. How can you do that Orli?" they had reached the edge of beach by now. it was basically just a hop skip and a jump away from the hotel doors. There eyes had not left each others since they'd left, no one wanting to break the gaze.

"Its easy" Orlando whispered breaking the gaze and looking out at the sea the slight breeze whipping across his face "anyone can read another's eyes their very soul if they love that person enough". He walked on down the beach noticing Keira wasn't following he made no attempt to turn and get her. he knew his words would hit her hard.

He spotted Jack, Rupert and the others down the beach watching him as he made his slow progress. He didn't dare turn to face Keira afraid of the look in her eyes. One devastated look from her was enough to break his soul apart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time Keira had gotten the strength to move Orlando and Jack were already surfing while Rupert was questioning Johnny and Geoffrey about Orlando's relationship with Keira. Geoffrey's grip had tightened on his book and Johnny was banging his fist in the sand as he lead face down on his towel, but still Rupert didn't seem to be getting the picture.

seeing Orlando's bag and towel Keira threw her stuff down next to his out of habit or something more, she couldn't put her finger on it. Yes she had a crush on him but really could it be more. she had asked her self that same question for 5 years, maybe this holiday would provide her with some answers. She glanced out to sea and marveled at Orlando riding a 25ft wave like a pro. His hair dripping and clinging to his face, his black wet-suit accenting his toned body. her mind wandered as she thought about him.

"Keira baby" Rupert grinned running to her. she forced on her best fake smile to cover up that he had ruined the steamiest day dream of her life.

"I m not a baby Rupert" she stated plainly crossing her arms across her chest. Rupert frowned

"Are you ready for my expert surfing lessons"

"sure why not, it appears that the others have forgotten" she took one glance at Orlando who was punching the air in triumph.

It had been half an hour and Keira was getting more and more frustrated with Rupert's less than satisfactory help. He had basically made her watch his flashy moves that were basic compared to what Orli as doing and was now moaning at her because her posture was wrong.

"your a crap teacher you know" Keira snapped fed up of his criticisms concerning her body.

"well your a useless surfer, you couldn't surf for sh*t" Rupert stomped off towards the sea "go ask lover boy for his help"

"Fine i will" Keira screamed back snatching up her board and marching down the beach to where the boys were chatting she was sure they had heared the fight.

"Hey"she whispered

"ignore him" Orlando said quickly not trying to cover up that he had heard the tiff. Keira smiled as Orlando handed her his bottle of water. "Your not useless Kitkat"

"Thank you, Its nice to know someone has faith in me" she slowly sipped the water and handed it back. she gazed at her board longingly, it hading even touched water yet.

"Come on" Orlando muttered "I dunno if this is going to work but we can at least try"

"what?"

"you come on my board with me, it will help when you experience it first hand, and i ll be there to catch you if you fall" he grinned at her and went to pull his board out of the sand.

"Too late for that mate" she whispered to herself " i ve already fallen hard"

"come on" he yelled already waist deep in sea water. She pulled off her sarong and ran down to him.

"ok sit on the board legs tucked up under you and keep low" she did what she was told and felt Orlando do the same behind behind her. "ok now use your hands to paddle" she turned to look at him and copied his hand movements in the water.

"may i just say while i m here and you have a problem with this as you keep telling people. your bum is absolutely lovely, its defiantly nothing to be ashamed of" Keira burst out laughing

"Thank you very much for that review Mr Bloom"


"any time miss, is there anything else that needs reviewing coz i wouldn't mind helping you out with some of those steamy love scenes."

"Maybe we'll have to wait and see if i can fit you in my very busy schedule" she winked

"Its time" Orlando announced

"Orli, We can't have sex on a surf board in the middle of the sea"

"No not that. the wave, get your head out the gutter it can go back later" Keira turned back to see what was in front. a huge wave was curling and they were about to go underneath it.

"ok beautiful stand up and act like a duck"

"what" Keira yelled "a duck, what the hell"

"just do it" he chuckled

"good thing i trust you"

Keira stood and followed Orli's instructions sticking her bum out and holding her arms out the balance it felt good to feel the wind blow in her face to see the water rising up beside her. She felt Orlando grab her hand. he pulled it so her hand was touching the huge wave beside them. The wave felt cold and strong against her fingers, but then it was all over so quickly as they exited the barrow wave and floated out to the clear ocean as the wave behind them sank back from were it had come.

"That was amazing" she turned round to face Orlando

"That was surfing Pirate Style sweetheart. now you've just proved you can surf Keira knightley what are you going to do next " he said in a mock interviewer tone

"This" grinning she grabbed him by his neck and brought him down into the passionate kiss, which she had been craving for since the on set kisses had stopped. Unfortunately she had forgotten she was on a surfboard in the middle of the sea and the pair were sent flying into the deep water, but the kiss remained unbroken

Ok guys a bit of a cheesy chapter but i hope you enjoyed

[thankful24]

damn, cheesy? uh-uh- steamy more like it!! i want some more o/k kisses cause that was def. very HOT!! update please!

[missendicott]

That was awesomeness!!!!!!!! I loved it!!!

[designerdenimx3]

pottypirate said:

"It's time"

"Orli, We can't have sex on a surf board in the middle of the sea!"

That made me laugh! Ahh, I love this story. Please update soon!! And it wasn't cheesy either, it was great!!

[weandok4ever12]

ahah we cant have sex on a surf board in the middle of the sea -- haha tht line had me rolling!

[daydreamer]

awwwwwwwwwww! more please!